How can I improve my visitation schedule with my child?
The situation:
I have a seven year old son. His mother and I parted ways shortly after he was born. She is the primary custodial parent. Our current relationship has been pretty good. We are usually able to find a compromise without any issue.
I live in a different city from my son and his mother. It is about a 6 hour drive from the city I live in to the one he lives in. Our current visitation schedule is that I get three of the four weekends each month with my son and his mother picks which one is hers. I drive to the city he lives in after work on Fridays and spend Saturday and Sunday with him. I am allowed to work-from-home one week a month. During that week I return my son at bed time on Sunday. Each other weekend I return my son on Sunday at about 4:00 PM so that I can make it back home in time to sleep and return to work the next day.
The problem:
My son's mother has been his teacher in a private school up until this school year started. Her school is not covering 2nd grade, so my son cannot continue in her school. He is now enrolled in a public school. Due to this and the change where I am allowed to work-from-home, his mother wants to adjust our visitation schedule. She proposed that I would have him with me for the week I am allowed to work-from-home, but I would have to give up one of the weekends with him.
My issue with this suggestion is that I would have only two weekends with my son each month. If those two weekends were together on the week I am in town, then I would not be able to see my son again for nearly three weeks. If the weekends are separated, then the week that I have my son I will have to give him up on one of the weekends around it. That means I will be in town, but not be allowed to see my son. It also means I will drive just as many weekends even though I am losing one of them. In addition, I generally work until 6:00 PM, so I would only be able to see my son about two hours after work each day, which is significantly less than when I would see him on weekends.
The question:
How can I work with my son's mother's suggestion and still find something that works for me?
(1)1 Comments
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You can drive down on the Sunday night before the week that you have him and keep him through the following weekend. Then skip the next weekend and have him for the one after that. (It sounds like you have some kind of second residence or something in the city he lives in, as you never mention actually taking him back to your house).
I don't know if I'm missing some details, but it's difficult for me to grasp why you're objecting to this proposal - you get more time with your son, in which you and he both get to experience the routine that makes up the bulk of one another's lives. This can create a closer connection and better understanding of each other, as well as teach your son that dad is a reliable parent and not just a "fun time guy." He can see you working hard (both to take care of him during the week, and towards your own goals through work, both of which are great things for him to see).
I believe this could be a difficult adjustment for you, if you've never had to worry about his schedule before, or if you've never had to assist with homework, or strictly adhere to a bed time routine, or plan a week ahead how you're going to feed two people at the same time every night. I don't know if you've tended to cook for your son, or if you've been able to get away with taking him out all the time (which might be feasible when it's just a weekend, but becomes impractical when it's 7 consecutive days. You also might have to pack lunches for him).
In summary, I can see having an objection to your son's mom's proposal on the basis of this is a huge increase in my responsibilities that I'm not sure I want/am able to take on. I would say, choose to be flattered that she thinks you can handle it. And- you probably can. And it will probably do you a world of good, as well as bringing you and your son much closer. But yes, it might be really rough the first couple of times, because you don't have practice with that side of parenting yet.
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