How to handle value mis-alignment between parents and kids?
I'm (kinda) asking this question for my parents and family.
My parents and I share very different values. For example, I think we should replace our old washing machine with a new, energy-efficient one, but my parents think the extra energy consumed by the old one is no big deal. This leads to constant quarrel and sometimes fight.
I'm at university age so my parents can no longer influence my values, and I should have my own views on social issues by now. On the other hand, we cannot avoid talking about these because they all start from casual topics (like replacing old appliances or my plan for the future). The time we can spend together is limited (I'm attending university and doing internships), so endless arguments are really the last thing I want.
Background: Asian family.
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You are trying to convince your parents that it is better for the environment to buy a new washer, but they are not convinces it is more economical. Therefore you should make a business case. Come up with some hard numbers based on research and your best guesses. How big is the potential upside? How uncertain is it?
You may similarly make an environment case to challenge your own position. Is the environmental impact of constructing a new washer offset by its energy savings or is it not so clear whether this is an environmental win?
Well, I understand and it happens with me too. When time reach to decide my future my parents want to make me a doctor and I want to go with the history and art they really don't like it and we have lots of arguments, but then I came up with an idea. I research the studies, expenses, and opportunities in both the fields and told them what will happen in the future and it will make me happy or not. I know it took 2 months but finally, my parents accept my request and my wish get fulfilled. So don't worry and if your parents are thinking economically then come with a plan where you buy a new washing machine in a exchange and it also uses less electricity or make your work easier. They can't ignore such important factors and definitely agreed. Don't lose hope.
I like Paul's suggestion to just do some research and figure out the pertinent facts. I could imagine, however, that the argument is not so much about the financial cost but the ecological impact. That's going to be a much harder question to answer with facts. Also, you might win an argument by presenting facts, but winning arguments isn't really the important thing here.
Why don't you just steer clear of arguments? I mean, so you're talking about old appliances, and you say you'd like to replace one, and they say no, it's not worth it, and suddenly you notice there's an argument underway. So once you notice you're launching into an argument why they should do what you think is right, just stop. Don't try to get your parents to agree with you. Do what you want once you have your own apartment/home, and let them keep their old appliances and their values. It cuts both ways, obviously: They can no longer influence your values much, but neither should you try to force yours on your parents.
That's just going to come up more and more the older they get. They'll keep doing things in ways they're used to, and you'll see loads of easier ways to do them, but if they're happy the way they are, why try to convince them to change?
Pick your battles. Don't sweat the small stuff, like whether to buy a new washing machine or continue using the old one.
So, to some degree you will each need to accept that your ability to affect other peoples' values (family or otherwise) is limited. And it's more limited the longer held those values are.
That said, you come from a common background, so there should be some mechanism by which you can understand their views, and then figure out what part of their views are at play.
For example, you indicated that in this particular case you both are money conscious (you feel that the energy savings is worth pursuing, they feel that the new machines' cost doesn't outweigh its value).
That's an easy one, imo. Do the research/math and talk to them objectively about your findings. How does the energy efficiency affect their monthly utility bill? If it's, let's say /month (or pounds, I'm on a US keyboard), then that translates to 0/year. If the expected lifespan of the machine is 10 years, rough numbers suggest that if you're paying less than 00 for the new machine you're saving money in the long run.
Take into account local utility company discounts for changing to energy efficient machines (most in the US offer those), and expected lifecycle costs like repairs and such.
It's hard to argue with well researched numbers, but if they do... then they do. They're grownups too and it's possible to love someone and still disagree with them.
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