Son was sent home from sleepover for behavior
I need some help with turning a very disappointing event into a learning opportunity. Last night my 9-year-old son was to spend the night with my neighbor's son, and the neighbor's girlfriend's kids. During the course of the evening my doorbell rings. It's my son, crying, and his friend's dad. He said he was sending him home due to being rude, disrespectful, and defiant to authority. But he didn't provide me specific examples of what my son actually did. I asked my son what happened and he said when the dad was trying to talk to them about something he couldn't stop laughing because of something another child said.
Needless to say, my son was really sad. I want to use this as a learning opportunity. I told him he has to listen and be respectful to adults. Today, my son went over to play and the dad wouldn't let him. The worst part is that they live direct across the street from me so I have got to find a solution or else this will be a long term problem.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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Before further action, I would personally consider the following:
A 9 year-old is already able to detail and explain complex situations;
All the details that your son provide may be useful in future exchanges with your neighbors;
If you think he omitted details or lied, refrain from accusing him, since the situation may have been more delicate than apparently you may believe it was;
Figure out how to approach your neighbor in a kind manner, e.g.:
I am sorry about the situation on the other day that disturbed everyone, I already spoke with my son and he was not able to provide me further details. However, I would like him to learn how to respect others no matter the situation. Would you please describe to me what happened so that I am able to explain him how to be respectful in these situations?
Accepting an inevitable separation from all contact with your neighbors may hurt neighborhood relationships and, especially, your son and your neighbor's kids feelings. It also may be completely unnecessary without understanding the real reason behind the problem. Further analysis of both explanations may lead you to a more substantial conclusion and allow you to act accordingly.
Let's look at this from the neighbor's perspective. The neighbor kid is spending the night at your house. What series of unfortunate events would have to occur for you to humiliate the neighbor kid by taking him home early like that? I'm a parent and I would bend over backwards to avoid it. In other words, if that threshold was reached then it's serious enough to provide sufficient detail to the other parent.
I'm talking bad stuff like breaking another window after being told not to throw things in the house. Something like outright insubordination. If your son is able to navigate school daily without getting into trouble then this is the neighbor's issue. Seems like all your kid did was misread a situation in somebody else's house.
You don't want your kid in that house anyway. The boys can play outside. Any future invitations would require a face-to-face otherwise I wouldn't investigate much further. I'd be cordial but distant to the neighbor in hopes the boys would still be friends. Children are wonderfully resilient little creatures.
I feel for the kid across the street. Maybe you could include him in some of your family activities occasionally if the situation allows. I also feel for your son.
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