Writing inverse stereotypes of men and women without sounding preachy
I want to create a setting that is similiar to our world, but with different notions of masculine and feminine traits. I've read works of fiction that involve matriarchies, in which all women are very aggressive and go to war, while men become passive and stay at home to care for children. This seems unrealistic, as it seems to simply change gender roles and turn women into men, and vice versa. I want to create something that feels more authentic.
What I want to do is changing what society values instead of simply change gender roles. Society would place more worth on feminine rather than masculine stereotypes, and view what it means to be men and women differently. For instance: traditional western notions of masculinity revolves around strength, aggression, boldness, etc. In this world, this would be interpreted as arrogance, impatience, and emotional. They are very loyal to their friends, and quick to form attachments. However, they are hot headed and rash. Quick to anger, quick to laugh is the best way to describe it.
In contrast, femininity is associated with being more passive, emotionally complicated, mothering, etc. In this world, women would be characterized as more rational in their decision making. They form bonds less quickly, and are more clinical in their decision making, taking the long view of things. They are slow to anger, but when roused, can be vicious and cruel. Women can hold grudges for long periods of time, and do not forget past slights.
These are just stereotypes and ideals that society supports and want the sees to live up to, but I don't want everyone to just go along with them. People will react to the culture in different ways. I am not aiming for a utopia where everything is perfect because women rule the world, or a dystopia. I would like it to be a world with its highs and lows. Is this a believable inverse of masculine and feminine traits? How can you write the story without coming off as preachy or glorifying it too much?
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Great concept. Although without really knowing any detail of the narrative my answer is going to be pretty broad.
Consider existing media and how it reflects our society. A James Bond film/novel doesn't explicitly assert that men are superior to women, but there's some pretty horrendous gender bias, verging on self-satire. From the suggestively named female characters to moments like dismissing a female companion with a slap on the rear because it's time for "man talk" - it portrays a very male-centric society. But it never asserts a point-of-view on gender roles, it's just inherently sexist.
So if you're looking to portray a diametrically opposed society, don't expend any energy assigning any value to the women-over-men gender bias - it simply is. Any value judgment of the gender bias needs to come from the point-of-view of your characters, and if you don't want to come across as preachy or glorifying - then make sure you have diverse character set with a range of views. Also, consider that your female leads may not even acknowledge the existence of gender bias, because their truth is that women run the world and men are defined by the women they're associated with. Anything to the contrary is just easily dismissed "man talk", and doesn't even warrant a mention.
Coming back to James Bond, you also need to consider the out-of-universe sexism, and this, for me, is the critical part. The vast majority of female characters exist only for the gratification of the male characters - they're essentially props. Any allegiances, strong opinions or sexual preferences they may hold are easily swayed by the irresistable masculinity of the titular Mr Bond. They're largely expendable and really not that important in the scheme of things - effectively the redshirts of the Bond universe.
Even once you cast aside the obvious bias of the James Bond example, there's an awful lot of media out there that is seemingly innocent in it's content, but is ultimately the product of a society with vastly different expectations for men and women. The Ugly Truth of Children's Books is a succinct statement on how we portray females in our media and great food for thought.
Also, consider the Bechdel Test:
The movie has to have at least two women in it,
who talk to each other,
about something besides a man.
...then reverse it, and do your best to fail it. It's not perfect, but again, it highlights the unconscious gender bias that creeps into our portrayals of female characters.
So from that, try to imagine that you, the author, are a woman in a world that devalues, stereotypes and subjugates men. Not because you dislike men. After all, they do have their place - but simply because it's a woman's world. Unconscious bias relegates men to "pandering support character" status, because we'd all rather celebrate the highs and lows of heroic women. That's possibly a bit overly meta, but you get the idea.
Ultimately though, I think a lot of it comes down to the story you're telling, so your mileage may vary. Good luck!
In terms of storytelling, always remember that you are writing a story, not an argument. Preaching is basically telling someone what to think, believe or feel. As usual for writers, the solution is show, don’t tell.
I am reminded of an Irish play called An Triail (The Trial) which presents the story of a young woman who becomes pregnant out of wedlock, and shows her being abandoned or forsaken by her family, friends, neighbours, church, society, etc. one by one. It shows you the damage and encourages empathy rather than telling you its opinion on the matter at hand.
If in your writing you can draw parallels from reality, as objectively as you can, without commentary on whether these things are right or wrong and simply showing the “facts” of your world without an overload of emotionally charged language, you achieve a story whereby the readers can draw their own conclusions rather than enforcing your own. Of course, their opinion still may not be the same as yours. But you cannot convince everyone: you can simply show them another perspective and hope it can broaden their view.
As for the presentation of the setting …
I would like it to be a world with its highs and lows.
With this thinking, you’re already on the right track. Be sure to explore concrete examples of the lows. Are masculine men and women snubbed and scorned? Are there health repercussions, because sports are considered less important than intellectual pursuits? Is there an unconscious bias, or lack of men in leading positions? Maybe child-rearing is the most prestigious and well-paid career path, and anything else is considered “unskilled labour” and “hobbies”! Don’t just mention it: show the very real and substantial impact it has on your characters and the ones they love.
And bear in mind that the society can have many other failings, irrespective of the dominant gender/gender role. In that way, it is not simply an exercise in inverting norms, but a setting that will feel genuine and full to a reader. (Unless of course, it is entirely an exercise in inverting norms!)
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