Using Pronoun 'It' repetitvely for emphasis?
I'd like to know if using "It" repetitively (for emphasis) in this context is okay grammatically.
TV has become the modern day baby sitter. It is raising our children. It is dictating the cultural narrative and shaping future society. It is raising the bored inattentive child. It is raising the consumer child. It is raising the aggressive child. It is raising the obese child. It is raising the misinformed and complacent child. It is raising the disenchanted child. And what’s more, it is doing all this with our smiling acquiescence.
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The name of this construction is anaphora There are many examples on this wiki page to give you an idea. I agree with other answerers that the "It" can probably be replaced with something with a bit more punch.
Example:
We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender.
— Winston Churchill
You may also want to look into zeugma which may give the sentence a different effect.
Vicit pudorem libido timorem audacia rationem amentia. (Cicero, Pro Cluentio, VI.15)
"Lust conquered shame; audacity, fear; madness, reason."
Grammatically, this is correct. Stylistically, I think it would have better effect if you replaced "it" with "TV".
TV has become the modern day babysitter. TV is raising our children. TV is dictating the cultural narrative and shaping future society.
That would make the "it" more clear and would hammer the point into your readers' heads:
What's the modern day babysitter? TV!
What's raising our children? TV!
That is what you want readers to remember, not "what is raising our children? It! But...what's 'it' again?"
I don't see any problem with the grammar of this. It is simply a collection of short sentences. However (personally) I would try to shorten it, to make the a little more quick fire. keep the syllable count similar for each sentence.
(though I'm not entirely sure the question falls under the Q&A style of stackexchange - but that's a different issue!)
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