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Hoots : A better sentence for a sequence of events This is an extract from my personal 300 word writeup about a video. Can anyone suggest a smoother way to write my final paragraph? The first paragraph is just to add in more context - freshhoot.com

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A better sentence for a sequence of events
This is an extract from my personal 300 word writeup about a video. Can anyone suggest a smoother way to write my final paragraph? The first paragraph is just to add in more context but feel free to comment about it if you wish.

Extract

The video is believed to be targeted towards the conservative populace, which consists of mostly the older generation. This is evident in how the video connects them emotionally by revolving the plot around an old woman, a figure of authority. The use of a song that re-iterates “laughs” and “joy” in its lyrics and has a light-hearted tune, creates a long-awaited setting, for a marriage between a male and his significant other.

However, the mood took a 180 degree turn the moment the significant other was revealed to be a male, which followed after a tune of disappointment and shocked facial expressions of the supporting characters.


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I think the main problem (for me) with the second paragraph is the abrupt change in tense. We were in the present:

The use of a song that re-iterates “laughs” and “joy” in its lyrics
and has a light-hearted tune, creates a long-awaited setting, for a
marriage between a male and his significant other.

but now we're into the past:

However, the mood took a 180 degree turn the moment the significant
other was revealed to be a male, which followed after a tune of
disappointment and shocked facial expressions of the supporting
characters

Other than the tense issue, I don't think the second paragraph is all that bad. I don't much like "a tune of disappointment," but it's hard to come up with a better alternative (and one that doesn't imply that the music itself is of poor quality). I didn't personally detect much change in the music, but I'm not familiar with the conventions of Indian music. My solution was to replace "180 degree turn" with an expression that is itself musical:

However, there's a dramatic change in tone at the moment when, to the
evident shock of the supporting characters, the significant other is
revealed to be a male!

The reveal of the same sex partner is a surprise in the film, so I emphasise that by using an exclamation mark.

Other comments? I find your opening sentence rather cumbersome:

The video is believed to be targeted towards the conservative
populace, which consists of mostly the older generation.

Believed by whom? Could you maybe just say this:

I believe the video is targeted at the conservative older generation.

Or just lose the "I believe" altogether.

Also, at the end of the first paragraph:

The use of a song that re-iterates “laughs” and “joy” in its lyrics
and has a light-hearted tune, creates a long-awaited setting, for a
marriage between a male and his significant other.

Is it really the setting that's long-awaited? I'd have thought it's the marriage:

The use of a song that re-iterates “laughs” and “joy” in its lyrics
and has a light-hearted tune, creates the setting for a long-awaited
marriage between a male and his significant other.


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