Dealing with the psychological consequences of punishment in parenting
I'm 18 yo boy living pretty much an amazing life. Yet, I've been dealing with feeling of annoyance(sometimes anger but not as rough as the word sounds) every time(almost) I hear people talking very quitely or in a desperate way or unenthusiastically or unenergetically and so on. This has lead me to become an amazing personality in terms of productivity, achievements, attraction of people into my life or whatever you can think of related to progress. Anyway, there are some drawbacks I've noticed.
The way I was raised wasn't the kind that any child would like. Note that if you say I need to forgive my parents, do not worry I've already done this. The thing is that some memories have plunged so deep into my brain that somehwere along the line, the reactions I get from them have become just habits. Additional info.
Apparently this isn't one of the best ways to raise a child. Despite all the positives I get from being annoyed from negative people, unenthusiastic and so on I'd like to stop getting agnry at these things. Stop paying attention to them. I'm really, really trying hard but at times it's just the stupid habit I've developed. Sometimes I talk with friends, very close ones and if I hear similar sounds to the mentioned above I get angry and this way I hurt them(not physycally but by stopping being responsive(not talking or answering with few words) and taking my time to calm down). So, please community give me all the advices you can that might help me deal with this. EDIT: How can I start to relate all these annoying sounds of the talks with something that would make me feel if not good at least nothing? How can I stop recalling all these memories from my childhood(note when I hear smb talking it's just happening on a subconscious level, I don't visualize anything in front of me or smth, it just happens under my lowest layers of my thought)?
P.S. And parents... please think before you punish your kid! With me things aren't that serious but if I didn't find the strength to deal with this, I'd have become very destructive by now. I'd say you can always find a way to make your child do smth by treats and making him/her interested in the certain activity. Never tend to punish them! Never shout at them, trust me although they might not show it, it kind of stays deep down burried in their minds.
Update1: Here is why I don't go to therapists for now. The cons are many more, just these are some of the few that help you get the idea.
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Yes, you are absolutely correct,Marinov.I often see parents who just hit their kids just because they didn't score well in academics, or watched t.v. for an extra 2 hours, or well, dropped icecream on the carpet.
I believe it's not the child who is doing anything wrong, its just their own distress that makes them take it out on their kids.
Slowly an gradually, the kid starts to become agitated and unreactive to their parents and then they wonder what's wrong with their son/daughter.why is he/she acting weird? we love him/her so much.
Now, as you said you get positivity from getting annoyed of negative people.
In my opinion, you somehow relate those negative people to your own past-self(when you weren't able to cope, you were in much more distress) and then it makes you feel better that you are not as much like your past-self now and you are progressing now.
If you see it that way, then I think that's not much of a bad thing because you are only getting inspired by your own progress as compared to earlier.
Also, if you feel positive by the unenthusiasm of other people I suggest -
You USE that positivity to help them overcome their current insecurities and help them instead trying to build their enthusiasm.
Benefits? You will feel confident about yourself knowing that you can really be helpful to people.
I know we always doubt this thing subconsciously that "How could helping others give me joy and peace? I mean to help them I would have to spend time with them and hear them yabba-yabba their problems"
It's one of those universal rules that we cannot deny, cannot explain and only feel.
When you help a person with their problem and in return all you get is a sincere and pure "Thanks".
That's all you need to let your soul know that you are something more and you mean so much to this world and to humanity.
Now if i read it correctly, you get angry when people repeat stuff(making same old sounds, talking about same things everyday)
In a way, you get angry with their habits.
A habit is a repetition right? So you are repeatedly annoyed by what they do repeatedly.
I really believe that is an issue with all of us.we get annoyed with things that we don't like and when those things repeat again and again. Well, fights and quarrel, take birth.
what to do about this?
See I or any person in this world cannot imagine what you might be going through.It's you who have to feel the pain, make stuff happen everyday and fight your own negativities.
But, don't fight it.Whenever a thought comes in your mind that is Unpleasant, don't fight that thought, the more you fight it, the more it's going to bother you.Just accept that thought even if it's completely false or bulls**t to be exact.
Our thoughts make up our world.
Its a human that thinks in his mind that the people in the next room are going to laugh at him the minute he enters, but its just in his mind, he created that.
I'm sitting with my girlfriend on the couch and I'm wondering "Is she uncomfortable being in the same room with me?" and before I know it Iam actually making her uncomfortable when she was perfectly fine being with her Lovely, handsome chocolaty boyfriend, that's me, lol.
Anyway, Dont fight it, please remember.
Also, that habit thing.Let me try and do that italic thing.
The less frequent you spend time with them (the people with habits that make you angry) the less you will get angry by them, slowly you will loose that irritation and once you do, you can always meet them more often
start working on what you are really good at.
try and be in a room by your own for sometime.Give yourself rest(Don't sleep!) from all the conversations and life and this issue and that guy and those girls and all that.
Meditate with open eyes, accept your thoughts.
eat light food, less food.Eat to merely fill your stomach and not to satisfy your desires.(Yes, food is relevant.It affects your mind greatly)
get out of this, I know you can.Have a strawberry icecream (Hey, Iam a guy and I like those)
All the best!
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