Am I making the right decision for my child in removing the father’s choice?
My daughter (age 5) has ADHD and ODD and a disorder I forget, but basically issues because of her AWOL dad. He has past charges of smoking Marijuana in front of her. This is Pennsylvania, where it's illegal. She knows what "drugs" are and told me about a month later. He just got in trouble months back for beating and tattooing another inmate while he was unconscious after the judge gave him a warning to behave. He's been in jail countless times. Paid child support once. Always leaves her with a sitter instead of cherishing his weekends with her. He doesn't stay on the agreements. He has taken her from my home and not given her back into my care until I call the police who say they can't involve themselves even though we had custody in a now-over PFA I had against him.
He is to be released in October. I had to ask the jail to refuse mail and phone calls from him because he threatened me and my husband. He's the smart stupid. He knows as long as he doesn't mention that he can and would harm our child, physically or mentally, or that he will take her and move out of state, that I have no grounds to have his parental rights revoked. He convinces his family into getting my daughter to go see him. They ask her before me so I am the bad guy if I say no. He claims I keep him from being in her life but he kept doing and selling drugs. Showed up to probation drunk a day I was taking her to see him. He is always in and out of jail and even put hot sauce on her tongue when she was two because she "talked back". She always begs me to see him and says she loves him. His separation and her knowing too much about him thanks to nosey family has caused her to be unruly and everytime we get her to a positive point he breaks her heart.
I'm currently attempting full custody. Am I right in this? Do I have a strong enough case to want this for her? I never would remove him totally because that's her decision when she is older. But he shows no urge to fix himself and I feel he should not be able to make any decisions in her life. I know he will try to take her when he gets out and is served with custody papers. What precautions should I take legally, if any?
For the record she wouldn't even know him from the guy at Walmart if I didn't keep pushing their relationship the whole time. She thought my roommate's poster of wiz Kalfia two years ago was him, and later thought some guy at McDonalds was. All she knows and loves of him is because I let her have photos and I tell her stories painting him as good. I've recently stopped talking about him all together because he hasn't showed interest in being a real father in five years. I don't want to encourage his fake attitude anymore. I can't keep painting for her. But it's even harder watching him lie to her and crushing her over and over.
He has a history of drugs, violence, guns, and more. My current fiance (husband in 4 weeks) has fathered her for 2 1/2 years. (He was her friend first easing into their relationship). Because of her love for her bio dad she will yell at me and tell me no matter wants to see him because of what he tells her. Am I wrong for taking his choices in her life away? He hasn't proved he can parent at all.
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Thank you for your input ! I apreciate it.I just got notified by his mother that he has been seeing a councilor and he requests a visit with me to talk to him like an adult about his daughter. Aparently his most recent hearing has him in line to be sent upstate to state prison and not the jail he was supposed to be released from in october. I have mixed feelings on it but I am defiantly continuing with full custody and am going to have an open mind to what he has to say.supervised visits after his release in whatever time that will be is the safest and best option. Thank you. Before this forum I wasn't sure if I was making the right choice and now I feel that as her mom I know what is best.
I'm a father who tends to think the legal system is biased in favor of the mother, but in this case, assuming that you are not involved in drugs and such yourself, I think you're right to seek full legal and physical custody. You might consider letting the father have supervised visitation only.
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