Punctuation assistance with complicated list of titles during a formal greeting
I'm working on a scene in a high-fantasy setting where the main characters greet each other for the first time. Part of the greeting is also a definition of what each of the characters mean to each other. In this case, a flourish of titles establishes expectations:
Wordlessly, he presented his beautiful, shimmering wife to Mary; who said, “And you, my Sarah: soother of the seas, queen of the oceans, sweet nurturer, and mother of music; I greet you.”
The simplified sentence is trying to say:
He presented his wife to Mary who said, "Hello."
[Initial question]
What is the proper punctuation for Mary who said and for the "Sarah: [list of titles]"?
EDIT:
Semicolons are not necessary for separating the speaker from what she said. There is also no need for a semicolon before the list of titles. Rules would also state that there is no need for a semicolon to separate the long, introductory subordinate clause from the actual subject/verb within the quotes.
I think the answer is:
Wordlessly, he presented his beautiful, shimmering wife to Mary, who said, “And you, my Sarah, soother of the seas, queen of the oceans, sweet nurturer, and mother of music, I greet you.”
Still unclear on the use of the comma after Mary, who said since the quote has to clearly belong to Mary and not the wife.
(2)2 Comments
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You have "Mary; who" in one place and "Mary? who" in another.
Both are wrong. Use a comma.
It's a disaster. When you began a sentence with the word 'wordlessly' you identified yourself as an ESOL novice.
[Bob] presented his beautiful, shimmering wife to Mary.
Mary bowed graciously and outstretched her hands to the esteemed guest. “And you, my Sarah: soother of the seas, queen of the oceans, sweet nurturer, and mother of music . . . How's it hangin'?"
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