Condoms in a care package: Parents advice
Following a bit of advice in Meta, I wanted to ask for the advice that parents who have this experience (or know who has) what is best.
I am strictly not looking for opinions about whether this is right or wrong.
I am in an organization that happens to be religious and we are doing care packages for our outgoing seniors to college. A lot of food and toothbrushes and things have been collected, and that's awesome.
I've spoken to my pastor and she said not only was it fine by her, and knowing the congregation, I believe it should be no problem.
Setting aside that preface, my question is: *how best to do this logistically for the kids (who are now adults). The care packages are going to be received by mail, will include all sorts of food and things, but I want to include condoms as my contribution.
As parents, is there literature or packaging that should accompany these in the care packages? These are going randomly to about 100 of our college students almost evenly split gender.
Caveats:
Enough food and clothing has been collected
They don't expire until 2019
The recipients will be both adult men and women and I'm concerned about any embarrassment when the packages are opened around peers.
What, from a parent's personal experience, is the best way to include condoms in a college care package? Instructions? Put them in an envelope to avoid initial embarrassment? Do you think they would like instructions (condoms come with them and I can copy them and include it). This question is not about whether it should be done (that has been established), it is about best logistics & packaging, and your experience as a parent on this.
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I would think most of the value of such a project would be related to how good a note you can get written to accompany the packages.
I would include more than one note, preferably with at least one that might be read aloud publicly. I would put the condoms in a labeled envelope inside a sealed note possibly marked private, personal or read later. In the envelope with the condoms I would include hygiene and condom use reminders.
Condoms are readably available at many colleges and almost all towns with colleges. The problem is many people seem to have some issues about acquiring them. By giving them at least semi-discreetly you delay them needing to face that issue. The next step is to encourage the recipients to use them correctly and remind them that getting more isn't really an issue they need to make stress about.
A good note should bluster self acceptance more than provide information, and should set out where to get more help and information. Hopefully set out in a way that doesn't put pressure on them to act in a way inconsistent with their self interests or your organization's goals.
To focus on the question - leave the condoms in the box they come in. If its a three pack that's ok, 12 pack would be perfect, but a 144 pack might be a bit much for one.
Why? The foil/plastic outer is a lot stronger than they used to be but are not impervious. Leaving them in a box will add protection to the protection.
Also, the box will have usage instructions and other details that maybe didn't make it onto the individually wrapped items.
As for embarrassment, just put the box in first so its down the bottom of the package, and is covered by other items. If they're not seen there's no embarrassment at giving time. The young person can unpack it at their leisure in privacy.
If the goal is to prevent embarrassment, change the target of the embarrassment to yourself.
Put the condoms in an envelope marked "extra strong balloons".
Then, it changes from "OMG my church sent me sex stuff" to "OMG someone at the church has total Dad Humor".
I am a parent who for many reasons including religious ones, does not want my children to have premarital sex.
I sent my son to university with a package of condoms and he said he was instructed in health ed at school. Also he reminded me that he can use the internet!
I would rather he has condoms and does not need them than he does need them and does not have any.
I think you should just supply the condoms and perhaps add a link to a trusted medical website with information about sex education.
That sex ed should be info only and no judgement. Put them in a baggie or envelope with the word Condoms and the website you selected on it.
If they are old enough to be in college they know what sex is.
Speaking as a parent, I'm grateful to see this being done by a religious institution. So kudos.
To be effective - including against pregnancy and STIs - condoms need to be used and stored in a certain manner. Improper use/storage may lead to undesirable consequences, so it only makes sense to include instructions with the items.
The young adults who receive the care packages usually live in a communal setting (a dorm) and other kids often want to see what the recipient got. In order to avoid potential embarrassment, putting the condoms in a separate, discretely labeled envelope ("Contraception"?) makes sense. To make sure that the recipients don't overlook the envelope, I suggest including in the package a list of contents, and list condoms. That will introduce the recipients to the contraceptives twice.
I can't find a study on the effect of including condoms in care packages, but studies indicate the availability of condoms does decrease pregnancy and STIs in young adults.
The most common errors include placing the condom upside down and then turning it over (29.1%), taking condom off too soon (28.4%), putting the condom on too late (19.7%), opening the package with a sharp object (10%) and using an oil-based lubricant (6.5%).
School Condom Availability
Instructions will certainly be appreciated. The chance of teaching them how to use condoms so they actually work is far more valuable than the condom itself. They may have heard the basics, but some facts are often omitted*, and others may have been forgotten, so repetition helps.
Don't worry about the embarrassment, and expect most of these condoms to be used as balloons. If they are too embarassed to even look at a condom before they need one, that is exactly one of the things you want to change.
In short, Instructions: hell yes. Disguise: no need.
*Things I rarely hear are the following:
Condoms can and do break and/or fall off in case of insufficient lubrication or wrong size. This is rarely mentioned, and far too often often people will be extremely assertive in belittling this fact.
Don't use oil based lubricants also means to pay attention if you recently applied oil based lotion for skin care.
The best way to provide the condoms is probably in the form of a gift certificate, both to prevent embarrassment and because you presumably don't know what size would be required.
If you think the recipients of the packages need instructions, you might mention that condoms are vanity sized. Of course, if you want to encourage abstinence, you might leave that off and let any first experiences be painful.
Personally, I think it's kind of tasteless to include condoms in a care package from a stranger like this, but then, I think care packages from strangers aren't a great idea in the first place. As a parent, I think it's a better idea to trust the parents to take care of their kids.
Some answers are focusing on things I don't think matter in this case. Things like temperature, age, packaging, etc. of the condoms in the package. You may want to think instead of why you are putting together the care package. You won't be able to put enough condoms in to cover everyone's usage and the same can be said for any item in the package, so I'd suggest using the condom as a reminder. Add a note to go with a single condom stating the box receiver should be aware and remember to practice safe sex if they choose to engage in that activity. Care packages aren't meant to provide all of what a student needs, but rather remind them they have family and friends that care about them and wish them well and want them to be safe.
Maybe you're over thinking this? I forget who said, in the US sex is an obsession, elsewhere a fact. Nobody dies from 2 minutes of embarrassment or nervous giggles. That said, I like the idea of putting them in an envelope marked private, with some basic instructions and maybe a web link. Kudos on the idea better to have them and not need them than not have them.
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