Toddler won't settle down with dad
Our child is 1.5 years old. He has been sleeping next to his mum in a crib since birth and has grown up to be very attached to her, but as my wife has chronic diseases she gets too exhausted because now he wants her to hold him all the time.
Dad has been there always and the child is very naughty and confident but won't come to Dad or settle down, I have tried everything, Playing with blocks, got him new toys and everything I can think of. But after a while, he will go crying to mum and keep on crying.
This thing has totally frustrated and drained us. One thing he wants is to always play outside, but we live in an area where cars go by fast, so it is not safe.
What should I do to make him stop clinging to mum and come to me? Even at the night, he cries if I pick him up and just stays unsettled until mum feeds him.
Also, it hasn't been easy for him to get off breastfeeding as he will cry.
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I was also a crier around my dad as a kid, and I think it should light a red light under your radar, you may be doing something bad without knowing, it might not be intentional, you maybe even think that this is not a bad behavior, but for your child it clearly is. The fact that he/she ignores you reminds me of me and my disorder, maybe as a baby you made your interactions about yourself instead of her?
Im assuming that because I also ignored my dad and it kept going until age 16, the only interaction was orders from him. If a kid is ignoring you I can assume he has been hurt by you. I doubt they imagine it. Try to be honest with yourself with no judgement, just think objectively and try to think what is it that may be hurting him, and if you don't find out you owe it to your kid to figure it out, maybe in therapy.
Also I would recommend paying attention to how the kid functions socially, try to notice if he zones out a lot, a trauma with father can have effects on other areas of life, and it comes with exessive clinginess to mom.
This is all down to quality time. If you want to build up the rapport your child has with you to match that he has with his mother, you need to spend time. This is not about blocks or new toys - it is about you interacting with your child. Playing, talking, cuddling, thinking - there is nothing that makes a mother's bond any different from a father's (if we exclude breastfeeding) that can't be fixed with proper time together.
Be there, play, don't always have mum in the background. Sometimes she needs to get out and leave you two together - this may upset your child at first, as he has a strong bond with her, but stick with it.
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