: Getting a good diagnosis for possible mental issues? To keep this short sweet and simple... I have a 8 year old who has been diagnosed with ADHD and has been on all the typical medications. I will admit they do help significantly

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ADHD Kids honestly have a really hard time with prioritizing so try to be understanding. Ask this eight year old what he thinks might help him remember things better. He is old enough to help brainstorm. By offering him the respect to ask his opinion, you show him that you believe he is capable of responsibility. Right now, it seems he is living up to your expectations of him.

ADHD kids often develop self-esteem issues because they are constantly being "corrected" and told they are bad. By making him a part of the solution, you build his confidence along with his ability to figure out, for himself, how to problem solve - again giving him the chance to practice some responsibility.

ADHD kids also often feel completely out of control in general so they control what they can (on a completely sub-conscious level) even if it means punishment and negative attention. I wrote more about this part of the equation in this answer but the gist of it is. Make sure he is being allowed some choice whenever possible. Give two choices that both please you. For example with homework, "would you like to use a mechanical pencil or a regular pencil while you do your homewok?" Instead of, "time to do homework." He is still being told that homework must be done now, but he is being reminded of something he does in fact have some control over.

I highly suggest checking out Teaching Wiggle Worms to understand a little more about how things really work for learning and movement. I'd also suggest "How to talk so they'll listen and listen so they'll talk" AND if you are concerned that some part of the diagnosis is missing, have another visit with the pediatric psychiatrist. No one online will be able to diagnose your son correctly and since this board is for people from around the world, we can't even suggest a good dr. to go see.

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I also have an 8-year old boy. Though he doesn't behave as extremely as yours, I can certainly extrapolate.

bed wetting: Get a good mattress protector and don't worry about it. It already affects him with natural consequences (both in discomfort and embarrassment) so you should just love and support him. If he's doing it to "punish" you, not letting it bother you will effectively stop that.
no responsibility: Hold him responsible. Make sure the natural consequences apply. Explain why it's a problem. But don't get upset or punish him -- just enforce the natural consequences.
excuses: The reason doesn't matter. The consequences result from actions, not reasons.
lying: Punish every lie. Natural consequences are harder here as they're long-term and difficult for children to grasp. My kids go 24-hours with no privileges. Some parents make this a spanking offense. You have to judge this yourself. When those natural consequences do occur, typically due to lack of trust, make sure you tie them back so he knows.
doesn't wash: Eating dirt turns out to be good for you (at least in some ways). Don't serve him food until he's washed. The natural consequence of not washing before coming to the table is that you don't get to eat.
doesn't wipe: Send him back. Check. Not allowed to do anything else (play, go out, eat, etc.) until it's clean. Again, don't get upset -- just calmly and pleasantly enforce the consequences.
doesn't listen: Perfectly normal. :-)
always fails: Because he has no purpose to succeed. He needs to want to succeed. This is the hardest because giving a child purpose takes a lot of time and patience. It would take forever to write out options but I'll note that Stephen Covey gives an excellent example of this with his son in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

I'll also point you towards this related question that I also tried to answer.

Good luck!

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Yes, punishment doesn't do anything except build resentment (in the best-case scenario). Have you tried spending time with your child and investing in the relationship? You're going to need the return on this investment when he is a teenager and able to fight back.

As for bedwetting, it is more common than you might think, especially for boys that age. If he hasn't developed the physical means to control his body during sleep, which he hasn't or he would, then punishing him won't do anything but shame him and destroy his sense of self. Rather, you could help him learn how to handle this challenge. It is reasonable that he be expected to change his sheets, and put the dirty clothes in the laundry, etc. No shame, no issue.

For the rest, I hear a lot of labeling, and frustration and I'm sure its only perpetuating the cycle. In my opinion, children do better when they feel better, just like the rest of us. This doesn't mean personal cheerleaders, but it means having faith in him and communicating that faith. It means teaching him the skills to be successful. It means having family meetings where everyone can help share responsibility, make decisions, and solve problems together as a family. And it means being a mirror to help him notice and reflect upon his own behavior and growth, rather than constantly being judged (positively or negatively) by others (parents, teachers, etc).

For exactly how to do this, I suggest reading Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson. It will help you learn to invite cooperation rather than demanding obedience. Obedience can feel nice in the short term, but doesn't really do much to prepare him for life as an independent adult.

And, for what this looks like in a family, I recommend the following blogs:

Can we hug it out?
Parenting From Scratch