Inside your character's head - when does it become too much?
I've read that leaving your character alone for too long can spell death for your novel. That you should put them out there in the world so they can interact with other characters. That you shouldn't leave them inside their heads thinking aloud. But there's an element of that that doesn't feel real to me. After all, we all spend a great deal of time inside our own heads.
So, how do you strike a balance? How much time inside their head is too much time? Is it okay, if your character sits in the bath lamenting for 1,200 words, so long as those 1,200 words are quite amusing and interesting? Or does it spell death? Should I ditch that entirely and bring another character into the mix?
I mean, look at The Girl on the Train, she spent thousands of words lamenting on the train. So how much is too much?
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There's nothing inherently wrong with a story that is mostly one character's thoughts. Robinson Crusoe is a classic, and it's mostly one guy talking about his life.
Like many things in writing, it's all about whether you do it well or poorly. I've seen plenty of "action" movies that were all about car chases and fight scenes and things blowing up, and despite all the sound and fury, they signified nothing and were totally boring. I've read stories that were just two characters discussing some cerebral philosophical question that were fascinating.
To say that a story is "just one character talking to himself" ... is he talking about something interesting or something boring?
One idea is to use an alternating POV. Protagonist 1 has chapters of solitude, protagonist 2 does not.
Chapters should still be short. 1200 sounds fine if it isn't just thinking, but a bathtub scene doesn't give a whole lot of external items to work with.
You can create the illusion of dialog by having the character speaking aloud (talking to himself), and having internal thoughts, and memories.
One example: In a bathtub scene, halfway through, your MC could hear something in the house and panic.
"Hello?" She looked at the bathroom door in panic. "Is anyone there?"
The clattering in the hallway happened again. She grabbed her towel
and got out of the tub.
"Who's there? I have my cell phone. I'm
calling the cops!" Silence. She crept to her nightstand and checked
her handgun.
Loaded. Alright, Motherf##ker. Bring it.
She crept
slowly to the hallway with a towel anchored under her
armpits and her hair dripping onto the carpet. She rounded the corner, ready to blow the intruder to kingdom
come, and then breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Stupid cat. Stop playing
with the kids' toys."
She went back to the nightstand to put the gun away, then to her bath which was still piping
hot, and relaxed into it. "Now. Where was I?"
You can be alone yet the action keeps on going.
Since you want to do a thriller, the quiet, introspective time could
be interrupted by noises, or a car driving by prompting your main
character (MC) to look out trying to see who/what it is. They may turn
on/off the lights and run from window to window. Grab the old shotgun,
and struggle to remember where they keep the spare slugs. Then
something triggers the outside floodlight. Is it the killer? No, it
must be a deer, there are always deer this time of year. Then rain
begins to fall.
I mean just because you are alone doesn't mean nothing happens. I try to break the overly introspective moments with actions.
The death of such scenes is when a character just sits down and argues with themselves for pages on.
She remembered her wedding. John was so nice in his black tuxedo with
perfectly shined shoes and the flower, a daisy uncle Tommy had grown
in his greenhouse. The same greenhouse where he grew the tomatoes he
gave to everyone at Christmas, how good were those tomatoes! Aunt
Janet and she would stew them, in early November, warming the house as
the weather cooled outside.
Okay I'm already yawning, especially if the rest of the story does not have to do with the wedding, the tomatoes, Tommy and Janet...
+1 Alexander. I would add the following observation: The book is about the transformation a character is going through, what is commonly called an "arc" but is in essence a change. Sometimes a literal change, like "coming of age" stories, or romances (becoming a lover or spouse), or ascension (becoming a leader), or stories of a loved one dying (which changes us, perhaps into an orphan or widow or widower, or the loss of a friend or teacher changes us in some way). In other stories it is just a change of personality: From gang banger to priest, from frat boy to soldier, from fearful to courageous, from humble hobbit to heroic champion. From kid on a moisture farm to Jedi Knight.
Time spent inside a character's head is fine, but if it is long, it stalls the story. They do need to process experiences and new information, but walking in mental circles just gets boring. If the thoughts are not fitting pieces together and coming to new conclusions, then the reader will get bored. They expect us to skip that part and show them the thoughts and scenes and experiences that advance the change, whatever it may be.
If the time inside the head is not changing the character by solving puzzles, making realizations, reaching conclusions or inventing plans of action (that they intend to carry out), if they are just wondering and wandering and accomplishing nothing, the space is wasted.
Humor has its place and is welcome, but is seldom welcomed in a long form, pages long, and that will just stall the story. Readers will give you some rope and read for awhile when they aren't sure what the point of a scene may be, but they DO expect there to be a payoff at the end. If the payoff [a character changing moment] is not evident, or seems small and incremental compared to the length of the scene, they will be dissatisfied with the writing.
If that is a recurrent theme, they will start skipping to the end of the scenes to see if there is any payoff. And finally they will put the book down, as too much filler and not enough plot, or suspense, or events of interest.
Character change almost always requires an outside catalytic interaction, something that forces learning or philosophical re-evaluation, experiences with the outside world. It almost never occurs by long introspection, most minds have long ago achieved equilibrium of beliefs and habits and performing the duties and rituals of daily life. That equilibrium must be disrupted, somehow, in order for change to occur. The disruption is usually unexpected, and requires dealing with the outside world in new ways.
Writing internal dialogue because it is fun might be distracting you from the damage it is doing to your story as an irrelevant roadblock that breaks the expectations of readers.
I would say it becomes "too much" when the thoughts stray into areas that will have no impact or influence on the character's actions, or other characters, or the plot. Then you are wasting the reader's time with irrelevancies.
Yes, we all spend a great deal of time inside our own heads. But please notice that we get BORED doing just that. We want some experience, some interaction with the outside world. That's why the books that depict action and dialogue far outnumber the ones that focus on reflection.
"How much is too much" is a very good question. In my opinion, that's very much depends on a book. "The Girl on the Train" is popular among some readers, but not all of the readers. If your book primarily focuses on person's perception and feelings, then it's perfectly fine to leave the main character alone for some time. But you have to make sure that neither your character not the reader gets bored.
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