: How to improve my Dialogue Writing? This is one area of writing that I find myself struggling a lot. I usually divide my chapters into scenes and each scene has a goal(s) that I have to achieve. And I have found that even

A technique I have found for this is to get my computer to read the dialogue back to me.

Hearing the dialogue out loud, rather than simply reading it, draws my attention to parts that don't sound natural.

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I can understand how your dialogue would come across as unnatural, because... well, it isn't. You're trying to force your characters in a particular direction.

Try to think less about what your characters need to say, in order to move the plot in the direction you want, and more about what they would actually say. Your characters' speech needs to convey more than just the storyline; it needs to convey their personalities, their viewpoints. It needs to come across that they are people, and not just puppets through whom you are telling the story.

I'm quite a visual writer: I can see scenes playing out in my head as I write them. I imagine what Character A would say or do to start things off, then how Character B would respond to that. And I go back and forth until the conversation gets to a convenient enough stopping point. Usually, the characters are able to bring up all the plot points I needed them to, while still carrying on a regular conversation.

This method may not work for you, but it's worth a try.

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I'll address each of the criticisms you've received separately.

The segue from one topic of conversation to another is not fluid.

I'm not sure I see any problems with this in the excerpts you've posted. The main shift in conversation is in excerpt 3, which moves quickly from the orcs to the oath, but this sounds like a natural progression to me - Adam worries about the orcs, which makes Brendan tell him to loosen up, which prompts Adam to mention Brendan's hasty decisions, by which he means the oath. This happens in real conversations all the time.

The dialogue sounds wooden or stilted or unnatural at certain points.

This one I agree with, and would offer the following suggestions:
Use more contractions. For example "It's one of the conditions" or "That's one of the conditions" instead of "It is...". Ditto "I'm not", "There's nothing" et cetera. This is closer to how people actually speak and flows better.
Include more sentence fragments. Don't worry about the dialogue being in full sentences or grammatically correct, because that isn't how most people speak. Instead, people often use single words or phrases as stand-alone "sentences" or interjections. For example, in excerpt 4, how about

"A vision," Adam repeated. "Not a dream."

Or, later in the same excerpt,

"Council decided I wasn't fit to be a leader. Blind bats."

Use fewer dialogue tags. This isn't technically the dialogue itself - after all, the words when said in conversation are the same, regardless of how you've described them - but I think too many "he said"s and so on make the narrative as a whole stilted. For example, in excerpt 1, once you've established that the twins are speaking, you could reduce their dialogue down to something like:

“If something needs fixing-”
“-we fix it.”
“If something needs inventing-”
“-we invent it.”

In addition, adding personal quirks and favourite phrases, as suggested by Tasch in a comment, would make it easier for readers to identify the speaker without dialogue tags.

If I'm trying to present information (like two characters discussing history or a war in the past), then it sounds like an interrogation.

This mainly relates to excerpt 2. I can see where the "interrogation" idea is coming from, because almost everything the twins say is a question, but this doesn't bother me until maybe right near the end, where they have four questions in a row. You could try inserting a statement between two questions, or rephrasing some of them. For example, instead of saying, "Why do they...?" you could use "If I were them, I'd just...". But for me this is a minor point.
I would be more worried about whether this is an infodump. Firstly, I assume that the twins know nothing about Adam's world. It often seems unnatural to have dialogue where characters tell each other things they all already know just for the reader's benefit. Secondly, I assume that the reader knows nothing yet about Adam's world. If the reader already knows this info, there's no point spelling it out, and it would probably be better to summarise. For example,

Over the next few minutes, Adam explained the workings of the Empire
to the twins.

Even if neither the twins nor the readers know this information already, it might be easier to read if Adam's explanations were broken up more, either by replies, by movement / action, by character thoughts, or by summary. For example,

The eight cities were quite distinctly visible on the map. “The cities
sure are vast”, Taoi said, eyes glued to the map.
“When the cities were unveiled, they were not as vast," said Adam.
"Survivors were rounded up and brought in and yet the cities were
overwhelmingly empty. Over the course of time, the survivors thrived,
in a way, and the cities grew, extending to accommodate the growing
population."
He gestured to the map. "What you see here is not their
entire extent though," he explained, telling the twins about the industrial areas outside
the walls, but inside the domes. "There are large farmlands near a few
cities, and mines near some.”
“That is good, right?” Taoi asked tentatively.

In addition to what I've said here, I agree with all the suggestions in F1Krazy's answer.

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This is what I think is useful for writing dialogue:

Say the dialogue out loud - do people actually speak like that(Note: Although it may be more dramatic in your book than IRL, it still needs to be somewhat realistic)
Don't include small talk (Greetings, and thank you's) when writing dialogue - unless they are essential to the character (e.g. the character only just learned how to thank/greet)
Keep your dialogue brief - long paragraphs are boring
Give each character a unique voice - special words and phrases they repeat
Add world-appropriate slang
Be consistent with the characters voices
Remember who they’re speaking to - a rich landowner gets a different response than a poor farmer
Cut out greetings - no-one needs them in literature
Use different forms of dialogue.

1)"Hello?" Bob screamed

2)Bob screamed, "Hello?"

3)"Hello?" Bob screamed, "Anybody there?"

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Warning: I'm going to go with a frame challenge.

It's not the question you asked, but it's the answer I think will help.

The problem isn't your dialog – which honestly seems good to me, it's the empty 'stage directions' and filler text between the spoken words that's draining the life from these scenes.

I'll remove the dialog, and strip the sentences of prepositional phrases:

Taoi shrugged

the other twin said.

the other twin nodded

Taoi said.

the other twin said.

Taoi said.

the other twin said.

Adam supplied.

Taoi said

the other Taoi said.

Taoi said.

The twins looked and shook their heads.

they said, heartily agreeing.

Adam observed.

Taoi lamented.

This text contributes nothing but rhythmic beats. All story elements are in the dialog. This filler text doing zero work, we learn nothing of the interior of these people. They are eyes that looked, heads that nodded, and mouths that said and said and said….

Without the dialogue, I'd bet even you, the author, would have trouble distinguishing which scene this is.

I'd give 1 point for 'lamented' because there is the barest hint of an emotion there, but I'm going to have to knock off a point for 'supplied' because obviously even you got tired of writing 'said', but then fell back to 'said' 3 more times.

Worse than 'not contributing', it's distracting

We don't even need this text because it's not doing anything to differentiate who is speaking or why, it's basically just an arbitrary name flashed at the end of each sentence – in a script the name would come before the dialog, and I'd know which person is talking before they speak. Here I am told which one spoke after the line was said, and I'm sorry but it isn't working. I've already forgotten if it was important or not so I'm not matching dialog with any particular person.

Again, I think the dialog is fine – it's the only way I'm learning anything about the scene – but this filler text is dragging everything down.

Let's look at the second example:

Taoi said, eyes glued.

[exposition]

Taoi asked tentatively.

The other twin nodded.

Adam shook his head. [exposition]

[conflict] [foreshadowing]

Taoi commented.

the other twin asked.

[exposition]

Taoi said.

Adam shrugged.

Taoi asked.

Adam said.

Taoi's brow furrowed

Adam agreed.

The same issue is present, but it isn't half as bad.

There is more emotional engagement in the dialog, and there are hints of the conflicts ahead. That helps, but what actually makes it better is that you've started skipping the filler text. It also helps that the roles of these characters feels a bit more established, and it seems you aren't as worried that we can workout who is speaking based on the context of the dialog.

I honestly have no idea which character is speaking some of the longer exposition paragraphs – I sort of imagine the book is rambling on with these factoids. Still, it's better. There is variety in the length of spoken text, and there are some beats between the characters where it feels like a natural back-and-forth.

I still get nothing of their interior. When the filler text returns it is certainly filler – and almost no new verbs are added, still mostly said and looked and nodded, but there is less of it.

The third example is perfect.

I'm completely on-board with this conversation. Caution verses hubris. I understand the conflict, and who these characters are. The (minimal) non-dialog text provides pacing and characterization.

This is not filler, this text is adding to the story.

I want to continue reading to see what happens. This dialog is great!

4th example

Brendan said.

Adam repeated. he asked.

The words brought a bitter taste to Brendan's mouth.

Brendan did not answer.

Brendan did not say anything.

Brendan shook his head. he said.

Adam was genuinely surprised.

Anger burned in Brendan's eyes as he looked at Adam.

Brendan stopped suddenly and breathed deeply.

Brendan interrupted.

he spat.

Adam wanted to make him see reason but Brendan raised his blade.

he declared.

Here there is no question which character is speaking, and the emotional context is clear. It would be even stronger after removing the few 'he said' filler.

I'd even go further and suggest some of Brendan's outburst could be omitted, replaced by him drawing a gesture on the floor with his sword and Adam imagining what is going through his friend's mind. It's a strong moment. The weakest aspect is that Brendan's speech is a bit on-the-nose, and it might say more to leave some of it unspoken – as if he's not yet sure how far he will go, and certainly that is the worry of Adam so it put's the reader in Adam's shoes. It feels bigger when we aren't sure how big it is.

I did finally learn their names, but only after I became interested in them.

No amount of 'Adam said' 'the twins looked' 'Taoi shrugged' will keep a wall of dialog straight in my head if I'm not engaged in who the people are as characters. I care a lot less about the words coming from their mouths – that sort of washes over while reading – it's the emotions and motivations behind the words that tell me who these people are.

The filler text isn't clarifying who is speaking, it's putting roadbumps in the way. Understanding who these people are, and their emotional state in the scene, is what keeps them clear.

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In the first excerpt, I see how a conversation might be a little boring. Instead of the twins saying things such as "It is", have them say "It's". They honestly sound like drones, and you can add it occasionally, but it pulls away from the content of the dialogue itself. The word "it's" isn't plural. It means "it is", just a shortened version. (Unless if it's the way they speak; if they just speak like that, keep it. But for other characters, such as Adam, I would suggest changing it) And when Adam said, "You both are bad at naming things," I think it would honestly sound better as "You're both bad at naming things." It makes the speech quicker and has the dialogue move along more smoothly. I would also suggest reading books that have characters that have a "stupid personality" and those that are known for humor. Take notes.

On the next excerpt, change "When the cities were unveiled, they were not as vast" to "When the cities were unveiled, they weren't as vast." It moves it along better. And shorten the long excerpt (paragraph 2), or break it up. Simplify it. You're saying too many words in one part of speech. It's harder to understand what you're after, what you're explaining. (Break it up by having someone else speak or have someone do something) Change "whatever the results of the labour of the residents" to "whatever the results of the resident's labour." The speech is too long. You do make it clear, however that you have no choice in the work of the empire, and it does show how the empire depends on the people. In paragraph 10, you get to the point, and it's not boring to read. I find it to be a very interesting point.

In excerpt 3, change "But there will be more of them" to "But there'll be more of them." Again, moves it faster, and you can use it occasionally, but not as often as the shortened version. Change "You know you need to loosen up a little" to "You know, you need to loosen up a little." It breaks the sentence nicely and changes the rhythm of the sentence to seem more like a person is speaking it. Change "I would, if you would not keep making hasty decisions" to "I would, if you wouldn't keep making hasty decisions." Again, it flows better.

In excerpt 4, change "It was not a dream" to "It wasn't a dream." I like the part "There is nothing for me there." It flows nicely, and conveys some emotion, such as anger. Change this: "Brendan shook his head." You want to convey emotion. In what way is he shaking his head? In disgust? In anger? In sadness? Change ""And it's not you", Adam was genuinely surprised" to ""And it's not you." Adam was genuinely surprised." This is more of a statement of his emotion, rather than stating how he's saying it, if that makes sense. Change "You know what, it does not matter" to "You know what, it doesn't matter." Has a better flow. If you choose to keep areas like this, remember to make them only occasionally, or make sure it's the way the character speaks. "I do not care anymore" would work better as "I don't care anymore." I like "It is my destiny" because it conveys some emotion, certainty that this is what's supposed to happen, at least in the character's belief.

So, in conclusion, you have a very good story, but your dialogue does need some fixing. I've tried my best to be honest, because people can only improve when they know what the problem is. Just change up how your dialogue exists. When you have characters speak, have them speak in different ways. Have them bring more emotion to the table. Have them seem like they could really be people. Dialogue is often one of the best ways to make characters seem real. And dialogue is often a good part of a story (In very few cases it isn't), so it would make sense to give your dialogue a good portion of your time.

Well, good luck!

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