bell notificationshomepageloginNewPostedit profiledmBox

Hoots : Will my child be ready for the world? I have a teenage child who is generally a good student and we have a usually good relationship. I only worry that he isn't being prepaired for the world very well and that he's only being - freshhoot.com

10% popularity   0 Reactions

Will my child be ready for the world?
I have a teenage child who is generally a good student and we have a usually good relationship. I only worry that he isn't being prepaired for the world very well and that he's only being prepaired for college or other studies. Does anyone have any suggestions?


Load Full (2)

Login to follow hoots

2 Comments

Sorted by latest first Latest Oldest Best

10% popularity   0 Reactions

Oh my, your daughter is so self-reliant and independent. How do you do it?

I let her.

That's the whole story. Don't hold her hand all the time. Don't tell her what to do. Don't say "don't", "no" every time she wants to do something.

A few other ideas: send her on vacation without you, but with a friend of hers. Stop doing her laundry. Give her large allowance but stop buying her clothes, shoes, paying phone bills - make her do it on her own.

In other words, start preparing her for adult life by, in a way, simulating it.


10% popularity   0 Reactions

Of course you could go the "drop all assistance" route that has been suggested here, but I personally wouldn't. Especially as you don't mention you child's age I suggest a more gradual approach:

You are correct in assuming that a child / teenager needs to be thought about "how everyday life works". But this is not the responsibility of schools, but of you as a parent. You can rely on the same method that worked back when he was a toddler:
Let him participate in what you are doing.

You as an adult know how to plan your day and week, how to butget and how to make decisions. So in order to teach your child, show him, how you do this.

Involve him in decisions. Whether it's your next holiday trip or a remodel of the living room, ask for his opinion. This does not mean that he gets to decide, but that he's part of the process. And who knows, perhaps he'll come up with a really good suggestion. Then include him in the follow-up, e.g. buying paint - and learn that you also need brushes, tape, rags... If he helps to paint, even better.
If you have never talked money, start doing so: Where does your salary go (and why), how you budget, what are the relevant factors in your decisions. Take him with you when you go to the bank, show him how you write and cash checks.... You could even let him assist in filing your taxes.
The same principle applies to scheduling and time management - a very valuable asset and something that will come handy in school and college, too.
If he doesn't know how to run a household, ask him to do chores first whith you, later alone. Be aware that in the beginning, there are going to be a few mistakes and please do not start the epic fight about "the one and only right way to load the dishwasher".

The key factor is show, don't tell.
A lecture about how or why something needs to be done is bound to earn you a "Mooooom!" with the usual sigh and rolled eyes all teenagers manage by instinct. But being actively involved, being treated as "almost equal" holds an appeal that few teens can resist. Of course you should explain how you reach a decision or why you choose one option over another, but accompanying not substituting an action.

Frankly, the main reason why I'm suggesting this approach is that as the child grows, your relationship needs to evolve, too. A child can't become independent if you as a parent don't manage to gradually lengthen the leash. You need to adjust the way how you percieve and interact with your child and accept that while he will always be "your baby", he also needs to grow up. If you keep communication channels open, there is a good chance that he will turn to you at a later time for advice and suggestions while you, on the other hand, know that you gave him the tools to face life. This makes it easier for you and him to transfer certain responsibilities - a clothing allowance instead of going shopping with or (beware!) for him including the laundry, cleaning his room, cooking meals for the family...

Once you are confident that you have established a reasonable degree of independence, volunteering, working, traveling and staying abroad are the classic steps of learning more about our world than school teaches you.

Disclaimer:
I choose the male form because the original question deals with a son. I firmly believe that there is no difference whatsoever between sons and daughters as far as the answer above is concerned.


Back to top Use Dark theme