When a baby cries, should we speak to it?
My baby girl is 30 days old; she can not talk or comprehend language yet.
When she cries, does it help to comfort her by talking to her? Or might our voices irritate her even more?
Update:
I and my wife keep talking to my baby girl when she cries, it comforts her in some way.
(11)11 Comments
Sorted by latest first Latest Oldest Best
I'd suggest you just try it. Whatever works, works. You'll notice soon enough what makes her calm down, and what doesn't.
I don't think there are rules to this, and not all babies respond to exactly the same things, even though some things generally work better than others. A lot depends on why the baby is crying. If she's hungry, most likely nothing except feeding her will work. If she's upset or scared or hurting, then holding her and talking to her will help to calm her. I think it's unlikely that your voice will irritate her; remember that it's your voice that she's heard for all her life, even when she wasn't born yet, and it's more likely that the absence rather than the presence of that voice is irritating.
With my oldest son, we never knew why he was crying all the time, but I noticed that when I sang to him in a deep voice while carrying him to and fro, that often helped to calm him down. At other times, nothing helped at all.
Your voice will not irritate your baby girl, unless of course you're yelling, or talking in an angry tone.
Talking on its own though, will rarely sooth a crying child. Gentle physical contact is usually much more effective.
I think talking helps. If she hears your voice consistently when she is comforted, then the familiarity will be comforting, itself, and she will come to associate it with you, along with the usual emotional bond and attachment. It's entirely possible that she already recognizes tone, etc, from hearing you when still in the womb.
"Babies hear sounds from the outside world at 16 weeks gestation," says Deena H. Blumenfeld, Lamaze Certified Childbirth Educator. "They also recognize their parents' voices from the moment they are born. If dad sings to the baby while baby is still in the womb, baby will know the song, calm and look to dad."
Parenting.com: Eight Ways Dad-to-Be Can Bond With Baby Now
The way children develop the brain connections to develop language is to hear language, so even if she isn't there yet, that won't just suddenly happen like flipping a switch - your talking to her will be helpful to her language development, overall. That is how she will eventually develop the language - getting that stimulation, so it's really never too early.
By 6 months of age, most babies recognize the basic sounds of their native language.
NIDCD: Speech and Language Development Milestones
Getting irritated by your voice is something that develops more around puberty. :D
At this age, it depends on what works. I found for mine, usually singing or shushing calmed them better. There is no harm in talking, I just didn't find it super helpful with tiny babies who are crying. I also breastfed all my babies, so at this age, usually I'd offer a breast if possible & that seemed the most effective of all. I did often talk to them while nursing though. I talked to my kids a lot, still do. I think it's a wonderful thing to do, but when it comes to crying, just do what helps & calms everyone down. Congrats on your new baby!
She is an infant. At this point she knows two things: I am content, I am not content. If the baby is crying soothe it. If that means talking, talk. If that means touching, touch. You will quickly understand your child. At this stage there are no tantrums. The baby doesn't understand much of anything. You will not spoil her by picking her up or talking to her. She simply knows she is happy, safe and secure or not. Letting her cry to toughen her up, and I have heard that theory offered, is just stupid.
If you are only going to bother talking to your child once it comprehends language, how is it going to learn language in the first place?
Don't think about what makes sense to your child: you have to make sense to yourself. Your child may not be able to pick up the message right away, but it does pick up the messenger much more thoroughly than you imagine and thus eventually also learns to interpret the messages on their own.
From my experience, easiest way to comfort a newborn is to hold it so that they can hear your heartbeat (on the chest).
One of the constants before birth is the heartbeat of the mother, and therefore, hearing a heartbeat (not necessarily the mothers' heartbeat) will comfort the baby.
Speaking in a calm manner and with a low tone of voice helps as well, but if the baby is already crying, it may be unable to hear you over his own 'song'. Raising the voice trying to cover the crying baby is not recommended, because it may startle or frighten the baby.
If you want to do what is best for your baby, then you should be talking to her pretty much all the time, except when she's asleep. So yes, talk to her when she cries; your voices will let her know she's being heard.
Please know that she heard you talking when she was in your uterus. Although the sound is a bit different now, the cadence, rhythm, etc., are the same. So, it would certainly be soothing to her to speak to her softly when she is crying. Yours is the most soothing voice she knows.The baby may not stop crying immediately, but it won't hurt her (she will still fall asleep, etc.).
It might also help to know when crying peaks in babies, because it is probably getting worse these days. Babies' crying peaks at about six weeks then gradually gets better.
You might look at this question and its answers as well as this one to get more information on why speaking to infants matters.
Editted to add: Apologies to the OP for presuming you are the mother. If you are the father, by all means please talk to your baby. The answer is only slightly different if you are the dad. :)
Effects of experience on fetal voice recognition.
Learning happens.
You are a team; learn to work together. Whatever you do to comfort her she will pretty soon associate with being comforted if the comforting works. You both want her not to be unhappy, and the more time you spend together the easier it is expected to be to know what will work. 30 days is not a long time, you both will learn so much this next year it'll blow your mind.
Do what you want.
A large part of what I have found to help comfort unhappy babies is being relaxed. If you are comfortable, relaxed and confident anything you do will be more soothing. And talking is a common way to help empower yourself.
She may know more than you think.
If you have talked while she was growing she may know your voice. Certainly she won't know what the words mean, but she may have some idea of what your tone means. She is expected to learn to understand words before using them so it is difficult to know exactly what she knows; sometime in the next year or so she will learn what some words mean, and you won't really know when that is. The only safe way to avoid not using soothing words she knows is to use them too early.
Intuition is great in human relationships, including but not limited to relationships between parents and children. Would it feel good to talk and soothe her? Then do it. Sometimes it also helps to imagine the contrary. What if somebody forbade you to talk to your daughter? I imagine that would be terrible. Consider this excerpt from a Wikipedia article about the topic:
An experiment allegedly carried out by Holy Roman Emperor Frederick II in the 13th century saw young infants raised without human interaction in an attempt to determine if there was a natural language that they might demonstrate once their voices matured. It is claimed he was seeking to discover what language would have been imparted unto Adam and Eve by God.
The experiments were recorded by the monk Salimbene di Adam in his Chronicles, who wrote that Frederick encouraged "foster-mothers and nurses to suckle and bathe and wash the children, but in no ways to prattle or speak with them; for he would have learnt whether they would speak the Hebrew language (which he took to have been the first), or Greek, or Latin, or Arabic, or perchance the tongue of their parents of whom they had been born. But he laboured in vain, for the children could not live without clappings of the hands, and gestures, and gladness of countenance, and blandishments."
It is heartbreaking and touching, isn't it? So unless you feel that your baby needs silence or a gentle humming: Follow your heart and ask her what's wrong. She will respond in due time.
Don’t forget the mentor and tutor you can trust in these matters: ask her N?iNai. What worked on you and Mom at that age?
Terms of Use Privacy policy Contact About Cancellation policy © freshhoot.com2025 All Rights reserved.