How can I abate my son's growing habit of lying?
My son has begun to lie fairly frequently over the past couple of months. He used to tell lies by making up stories that were fantastic and clearly not true. He has recently graduated to telling "bold face" lies. For example, when asked recently if he brushed his teeth, he calmly said "yes." My wife and I knew that he had not brushed his teeth, so we asked if he was sure. He calmly answered "yes" again. We then said that we were going to check if the brush was wet. His eyes got wide and he said "No! Don't do that!" We scolded him for this (verbally, no punishment was issued), but it doesn't seem to have helped.
I know that kids lie occasionally and it would not be realistic at all to expect that his lying would stop completely. However, it has gotten to a frequency and severity that is unacceptable lately. Can anyone recommend measures that my wife and I should take to abate this bad behavior?
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People, of any age, are far more likely to both remember and obey a rule when it is accompanied by a reason that the rule exists. It changes the rule from being "a restriction imposed by authority" to "a logical best course of action". And the reason should not be in the context of "why you must not lie" (you'll be punished), but rather as "why people must not lie":
Explain to your son that the reason it is so important that he not lie is that doing so could potentially cause something bad to happen, which he did not intend, and that would not have happened if he had told the truth. Give an example where the unintended consequence is more serious than he would expect from the lie itself, but be sure to cite a natural consequence of the lie, and not an imposed consequence of the lie's discovery. This is also a good opportunity to teach him empathy, if you can use an example where the consequence is not to himself, but to someone or something he cares about: a best friend, his favorite teacher, a pet, or perhaps even (caution may be advised regarding this last one, depending on family dynamics and the child's temperament - don't give ammunition to a child with anger issues) his parents.
Also, remember that children learn from the behavior of their parents and other role models. Be sure you set a good example of not lying yourself (or if you absolutely must lie, be sure he cannot catch you in it). "Do as I say, not as I do" tends to produce obedience only for as long as direct observation is occurring.
This site has some very good stuff on understanding and helping to resolve lying.
Anecdotal:
The most success we had in this situation was to make a sticker chart where if the child told the truth when it would advantage him to lie he got a sticker. That actually broke his habit of immediately lying about things -- he had got so used to lying he would lie about ridiculous obvious things as a reflex without even thinking. We rewarded the good behaviour. I have got it wrong plenty of times though. Making our child understand that he lied and and then punishing that just resulted in more fear and therefore more lying, so I couldn't advise doing that!
Basically it seems to boil down to safety, trust, fear and love. Like most things with children.
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