Too many languages?
I am actually a language researcher, but when it comes to my own situation I have a hard time being objective and make some choices for my own family.
My husband and I are expecting our first child, and I am really confused as to which languages we should speak and when.
I was raised in Denmark, but have Iraqi-Kurdish roots, and my husband was also born and raised here but has Turkish roots. Thus, my native language, and the language I learned first, was Kurdish, and I do speak it with my parents and the rest of my family. However, I am more proficient in Danish.
I know a little bit of Turkish, but only speak Danish with my husband.
So my question is, would my child be confused if I spoke Kurdish with it and Danish to my husband, and my husband spoke Turkish to the child? Also, if I know myself well, I would probably speak Danish to the child outside our home, since Kurdish is not valued in the Danish society - I know thatīs a bad excuse.
What are your suggestions?
(10)10 Comments
Sorted by latest first Latest Oldest Best
I would like to tell: Give importance to the language with more priority for you both. After a few years you speak with your child in the other language as well.
He can identify both easily and can get knowledge of both the languages. Also, your whole family can feel comfortable.
Exposing a child to multiple languages will build more robust language processing in that child's brain. The only downside is that less brain
real-estate will be available for other skills. You shouldn't worry too much about that, as society itself imposes plenty of brain molding forces.
If you speak two languages your child may be confused but you can speak Danish and your husband Turkish.
Your child will associate Danish with you and Turkish with your husband.
more info with a similar problem
You might also want to think about the problem in terms of opportunity costs vs. future benefits.
I am a Romanian native, and looking back to my high-school years, I'm grateful that I was taught English (the world's de-facto universal language) and French, instead of Russian, which had been mandatory until a few years earlier, while my country was under a communist regime.
If your child spends X hours a day listening to Danish or Kurdish, that's X hours a day spent not listening to English, German, Spanish or French. There is a well-calculated return on the investment of learning a language:
The annual ROI for native English speakers in the US on learning a foreign language is small: Spanish 1.5%, French 2.7%, German 4%. But only 1% of Americans claim they speak another language fluently (which suggests the number who actually do, is even smaller). 1/6 of the time spend in high school goes to learn foreign languages. So overall, learning foreign languages is an economic waste.
I am a linguist (master's degree in linguistics), speak three languages fluently, and have studied a few others. I have four children, and my wife and I also have different mother-tongues - Spanish for me, English for my wife. Because one of my children had speech acquisition problems, I have done a bit of research into this topic. The bottom line is that kids have an amazing ability to pick up on language. If they grow up hearing two or three languages, in different contexts, they will learn them and distinguish them, easily.
I would encourage you to speak whatever is comfortable for you to use in each context. Don't try to force one of your languages into a situation so that your child will learn it, because you will not be consistent and that might add unnecessary confusion. But as long as you can be consistent, in a particular context, with your language use, I would not be worried about your child being able to keep things straight. The brain's ability to learn and process multiple languages, at that age, is astounding.
However, as with all things in raising a child, be watchful, observant. If your kid struggles at some point, you may have to adjust. When one of our kids' speech regressed from age 2.5 to 4, we were of course very worried. After seeing a speech pathologist, a psychiatrist, and a neurologist, we found that he was severely impaired in speech comprehension and production. He was diagnosed with a rather severe form of Autism. Because of this, we limited our language at home to only English, my wife's native language, and started an intensive regime of speech therapy at home, designed by my wife. Now, 13 years later, he is highly successful in school, taking AP classes in high-school, and being recruited by top schools like MIT, Caltech and Harvard.
Ok, could not resist the little bit of bragging on my boy. But the point remains - do what is comfortable language wise. Do not try to use a language just so the child can learn it, but don't rule a language out because you think she may be confused by too many languages. Speak whatever language comes most naturally to you in each context, and be consistent, but be watchful and be ready to adjust to each of your children's individual needs.
PS: because of the "English only" rule at home, my kids grew up speaking only English. But my two older ones have made a point of taking Spanish in High School so that they can speak to my parents. The third and fourth are already saying they want to do the same thing when they get to High School. So that is sometimes an option. If the language is available in the schools where you live, you can let that be the way that they will learn it.
I very strongly doubt that using multiple languages around your child will cause any damage or problems, and I strongly suspect that in the long run this will be beneficial to your child. They may be cross-lingual (for example, using some Turkish or Kurdish words when conversing in Danish) on occasion, but as they become more fluent in a particular language they will learn to separate their use of these languages. When we are young we're genetically wired to learn languages, and it appears that your child will have a great opportunity to learn from you, your husband, your families, and the world at large. I suggest that you continue to use the languages you know as you have always used them, and don't make a big deal out of it.
If you speak both languages your child might be confused, but if you speak Danish and your husband Turkish, your son/daughter may associate Danish with mom and Turkish with dad. Also, your child might learn 2 or even 3 languages (right from home), but there is a possibility your child will not learn them.
So my question is, would my child be confused if I spoke Kurdish with
it and Danish to my husband and my husband spoke Turkish to the child?
As an adult, when I'm a 2nd language learner, I never, ever, ever, ever confuse languages. (Exceptions being Spanish and French, they are very similar, and that 5 minute warm up period when you are switching languages). Who constantly warns about the danger of "confusion"? Monolingual grandparents and other monolingual bystanders.
Also, if I know myself well, I would probably speak Danish to the
child outside our home, since Kurdish is not valued in the Danish
society - I know thatīs a bad excuse. What are your suggestions?
Here are the options, they are used everywhere:
1 language 1 parent. A household could manage 3 language this way. (Mom's language, Dad's language, the language Mom & Dad use, more if you have grandparents)
1 language per "domain", i.e. street vs home. Common domains are school, street, home, work, religion. From language extinction research, when a language isn't used in at least one of these domains, it become extinct in a community.
Mixture of above
Diglosia- switch constantly among languages (common in the Philippines, India, hipster Scandinavians)
What amazes me most is the policy that adult 2nd language learners might find confusing-- diglosia-- is the rule in some places. In immigrant communities though, diglossia is not the best policy because it risks the minority language being used less and less. I think diglossia gets going because everyone is doing it. If a child only does dilgossia with one person, I think they would rationally speak more and more of their stronger language until the weaker one becomes extinct.
Anecdotal evidence: When I was living in Barcelona, my neighbors were a couple with a kid. The father was German, the mother was French, they talked to each other in English and the kid was going to the British School of Barcelona. At 10, the kid was fluent in Catalan, Spanish, French, German and English.
Was he sometimes mixing up and making some mistakes? Yes, sometimes; all kids do, don't they? But he was able to communicate without issues in 5 languages and pronounce correctly all the sounds of the 5 languages.
Another anecdotal evidence: As a kid, my mother spoke to me in Catalan and my father in Spanish. Since I was a kid I was able to use both languages without any issue and, even, switch language in the middle of a sentence depending if I was looking at my father or my mother.
Is Catalan a language worth to learn? Well, it is for sure not the language that helps me to travel around the world, but it is the language that allows me to communicate with most of my family and my best friends. Also, thanks to the fact that I am fluent in Catalan, I later learnt French in a bit more than one year.
In my opinion: A language is not just a grammar and a vocabulary. It also carries a culture with it. If you teach your kid Kurdish, you are also offering him a Kurdish identity that he wouldn't be able to get otherwise.
Also if you expose your kid to as many languages as you can, you will not do any harm but you will help him to be able to communicate with more people from different cultures.
Being parents of different "tongues" implies, in my opinion, an obligation to give your child(-ren) as much diversity as possible. I am not qualified to argue against linguists, but I see it as no different than that if you're a mechanic, odds are your kids will learn how to wield a wrench; if you're a musician, perhaps a guitar. With language, you can start sooner (should, in fact, given the 6/7 year "window" of language learning).
Personally, my mother is Austrian and my father is Danish; they spoke German and Danish with me. In addition, we moved around a bit and so I learned Swedish as well, plus English in school. My experience is that it's a valuable asset that you can give your offspring "for free". I have friends where the Danish grandparents and their Portuguese grandkids simply cannot speak with one-another, and that is just a darn shame!
Therefore, I would suggest you speak your family's language, so your child will learn it and associate it with (and be able to communicate with) your part of the family; and for the same reasons that your husband should speak his family's language. In addition, if the child is immersed in a third language (the general environment, plus your common language), I'm convinced s/he will learn that very easily and naturally. There may be some cross-over in the early years (words or syntax) but that should fade long before age 8.
Terms of Use Privacy policy Contact About Cancellation policy © freshhoot.com2025 All Rights reserved.