My parents claim they cannot pay for my college education; what are my options?
I have divorced parents, one makes a lot more money than the other, but that one (who makes more money) claims due to court rulings he pays a lot of money to the other parent and that they are wasting it on unnecessary expenses.
I do not know what the truth is regarding their finances, but what I do know is that parent A who makes less money claims they can only pay a trivial amount or cannot pay at all, and the parent who makes more money claims the other parent is lying and says that if the other parent does not split the cost 50/50 that he will pay the same as the other one, which could be as low as 5% of tuition costs.
I've looked into using FAFSA to get grants and loans, but it's based on my parents' income and asset information and as a result I am not eligible for any financial aid.
I am not completely sure what my options are and would appreciate some advice.
It seems to me that I am about to go into massive debt.
I dislike all the options, but I chose the answer which would make the most sense for others. I will figure something out.
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Though I doubt there will be a way to force sponsorship from your parents, it sounds like the money is there somewhere so you may just need to find a way to get it in a way that sounds reasonable.
One option would be to dig into how much money flows between your parents, and then identify which part is to support the parent with the lower income and which part is there to support you. Though you definitely should not discuss whether the part for the parent is spent in a good way, you may be able to negotiate that the part for you actually goes to you (especially if you will move out). If this is done, it will feel more natural to ask the richer parent to sponsor you for the rest, as he will not feel like he is just pouring more money into the other parents pocket this way.
A second option could be to let the parent with lower income to as much support as they can, and then ask the other parent to mirror that as a gift, and offer you a loan for the rest. This is a bit more complicated so I would not go for this unless you have to, but especially if you look to have a reasonable chance to get a decent job this may be acceptable to the higher income parent. Also if he has a new family, this may prove as a decent compromise as you may either pay it back when you can, or it can simply be taken out of your inheritance making it 'eventually fair' for the new family.
I have a different approach to your problem. But you should be flexible to make such changes.
First, what do you intend to study, I mean what is the major do you want to study when you go to college?
Point 1: assuming you are in the USA, so you don't have to go to an expensive college nor stupid college, I mean a very bad university or very good university or college. there are always places for you to spend your means or I can say - the ones you can afford.
Point 2: There are countries like Germany, Canada, Netherlands, and a few other developed countries will provide a decent education and they cost you 1/3rd of USA education. If you are ok with Asia, then choose countries like Singapore, Hong Kong, and China.
If you just passed out of high school and planning for university then it is going to be a tough call for you and your well-wishers, because you are not man enough to handle real world when you move to a place other than your native country. Having said that, I have seen teens just turned adults, went far from home country for studies, and always interact with good people, good society while studying in college (this is a very important part of your life, sometimes you might choose wrong people and they are a bad influence on you). I suggest you stay with the good side of society. But again this is a tough call to leave friends and family members behind. I think in the end, it is all about what you want to be when you finish university.
This answer might not help the OP, but can help those in a more general parents are unable to help situation.
There is something called a dependency override available for students whose parents have died, are in jail, etc. This override is granted by the financial aid office at your institution. The paperwork is fairly cumbersome, and you may not qualify. A quote from this article:
Unusual circumstances may merit a dependency override, which is
subject to a case-by-case review by and the professional judgment of
the college financial aid administrator. These circumstances include
an abusive family environment (e.g., court protection from abuse
orders against the parents), abandonment by the parents, or the
incarceration, hospitalization or institutionalization of both
parents.
A list of reasons from a better article about this:
Be 24 years of age or older by December 31 of the award year;
Be an orphan (both parents deceased), ward of the court, in foster care or was a ward of the court when 13 years or older;
Be a veteran of the Armed Forces of the United States or serving on active duty for other than training purposes;
Be a graduate or professional student;
Be a married individual;
Have legal dependents other than a spouse;
Be an emancipated minor or in legal guardianship;
Be a homeless youth;
Be a student for whom a financial aid administrator makes a documented determination of independence by reason of other unusual circumstances.
They have an extra list below:
students that qualify for a dependency override may have a circumstance similar to those below:
Parents are incarcerated
Fleeing an abusive parent/guardian
Parents’ whereabouts are currently unknown
Unaccompanied youth and at risk of becoming homeless
Experiencing some combination of the aforementioned circumstances or something more
This may or may not answer the question, but is far too long for a comment.
Many people's parents do not pay their children's tuition in full in the US. I'm writing this as if your parents will not be contributing a significant amount. If you can convince them to do so, bully for you.
This doesn't have to wreck your life (unless you foolishly let it). Your options will just be constrained in the following ways:
You will need to pick a major that will allow you to repay the debt. Be suitably pessimistic about this: some things that sound good may not actually have job prospects as good as one might suppose. Do your homework here. Doing it for the love is out, unless you love e.g. engineering. This is less awful than it sounds. Most people end up liking but not loving their job, most people don't have a strong passion for a particular job, etc.
You will need to minimize the debt you take on to repayable levels. This will include things like reasonably frugal lifestyle, part time jobs, and not going to a super-expensive college. Note that depending on aid package, that 'expensive' private university might actually be cheaper (in post-graduation debt terms) than the state school. A good heuristic is to look for the average debt load of graduating students from a given university. Also not terribly awful, you will still be able to have the college experience at most universities (in state) without taking on crippling debt if you aren't trying to live large.
Two more things. I have stressed a certain austerity here that I will counterbalance with the following cautions: don't go so frugal that you skimp on your education. In my field (CS) a degree from Western Podunk Extension Campus will not earn you a salary anywhere near what you'd get with a degree from a top school (e.g. MIT, Stanford, Carnegie-Mellon). The difference (depending on talent/internships/etc) can literally be 0,000 per year in salary/bonuses/options. Don't try to save money by going to a school with a lousy unknown program: that's a false economy. Pick the best school you can reasonably afford (i.e. it won't double or triple your debt load) that you can get in to.
Lastly, if you want to throw all of this practical advice out the window and chase your dream, go for it! There's nothing wrong with that. But do it with your eyes open and a clear understanding of what's at stake: student loans are not dischargeable in bankruptcy and private ones can have punitive interest rates. They don't go away if you don't graduate, or graduate with a worthless degree.
Addendum
There is a loan forgiveness program in the US for public sector and charity employees. Ignore it when making a decision about where to go/what to major in. There are significant caveats. By all means use it if you wind up in public service, but don't treat it as a get-out-of-debt-free card and rack up 0,000 USD in loans to be a public school teacher.
You really have only three options (leaving out somehow legally forcing them to pay, about which I know nothing). I'm also assuming you're in the US.
Somehow get enough in scholarships and grants to pay for your tuition and living expenses.
Take out loans, which as you say may put you deeply in debt.
Put off college for a while, and work until you have enough to support yourself. (You can take evening courses to accumulate credits while doing this, perhaps at a low-cost community college.)
A subset of this is to enlist in the military, which offers various education benefits. (The local National Guard is advertising 100% tuition at state universities.) Depending on the branch and enlistment options, you might also learn some useful skills.
PS: Since a certain person has decided to delete valuable comments, I will add such of them as I recall, and my responses.
Comment: Move to Europe and attend a "free" university there.
Response: Unless you can get something like a Rhodes scholarship (covered under my option #1 ), moving to Europe and supporting yourself there is likely to cost more than attending a US state university. My experience of working in Europe suggests that the cost of living is not cheap, while the options for earning money are limited and surrounded with red tape.
Comment: Enlisting in the military might get you posted to a combat zone.
Response: Yes, this is inherent in being in the military. Whether you consider this a disadvantage or not is a personal value judgement.
Sorry to hear about your difficult family issues. Life is complicated. Respect for looking for a pragmatic solution to your problem and for reaching out for help.
Consider going to a local community college to fulfill your undergraduate requirements and transfer to the institution you aspire to graduate from, in your senior year. Your diploma indicates your graduation from the final institution and much of the prerequisite work can be sufficiently studied at other institutions depending on your own rigor and commitment. There is fine education available at community and state institutions, but you’ll have to evaluate which one meets your expectations for academic challenge.
I saw that someone mentioned enlisting in the National Guard. Applying for an Army (or other branch) ROTC Scholarship is another option. If accepted, they will pay for four years of college tuition, and you will have the option of commissioning into National Guard, Reserve, or Active Duty upon graduation
www.goarmy.com/rotc/scholarships.html
Something you could try is the following:
Ask or find out if the money which flows from one parent to the other
is solely considered for you.
If this is the case: Ask if this money could be redirected to you to pay for your college and (optionally) cut the expenses with the other parent, so that you are solely dependent on the one parent.
But before you do this, make sure that the parent with the money really can & want to support your college.
I tend to agree with Jared on this
You will need to pick a major that will allow you to repay the debt.
I don't know that he explained it very well, however. College is definitely useful for increasing your potential lifetime earnings. Generally speaking earnings go up the more educated you are. But the cost of college is not insignificant
Tuition and fees vary from college to college. The average cost of tuition and fees for the 2018–2019 school year was ,676 at private colleges, ,716 for state residents at public colleges and ,629 for out-of-state students at state schools, according to data reported to U.S. News in an annual survey. When it comes to costs, the average tuition and fees to attend an in-state public college is a third of the average sticker price charged at a private institution.
If we run with that private tuition number, that's a whopping 0,000 tuition for a 4 year undergraduate degree on average. There are places where you can buy a house for about that much. And that's assuming you find a median cost college. Harvard (a school with immense prestige) costs more than double that.
What you need here is a plan. The factors you need to consider are
How do I want to earn a living? College can help here, but you should have some kind of goal before you even consider that. What do you want to become down the road? If you're going to college just so you can say you went, you're doing it wrong. Maybe you want a degree in the arts because you love art. That's OK. And maybe it's worth it to you that the degree might not earn you money right away (or even ever). That's OK too. Just be honest with yourself about your goals here.
How can I actually make money? I know many attorneys who got their law degree and it took them years before they got a steady paying job (and they're still paying down that debt). Ignore the usage of your degree and just answer that in general. Look around at what jobs are listed where you want to live. Far too many people assume that they need a white collar job, when a blue collar job can actually pay more with less education needed (some jobs might even train you directly). That's a point Mike Rowe often makes
Consider the reality of today’s job market. We have a massive skills gap. Even with record unemployment, millions of skilled jobs are unfilled because no one is trained or willing to do them. Meanwhile, unemployment among college graduates is at an all-time high, and the majority of those graduates with jobs aren’t even working in their field of study.
Where do I want to live? If you said New York City or California, your cost of living is going to be MUCH higher than if you said, say, Louisiana. Now consider the previous two points. Maybe you can handle going to community college to start off (they often have flexible hours for working class folks) and then transfer to somewhere you can get an undergraduate degree you want. Consider moving to a place with a cheap college and decent job market.
Another option is military service. Not only will they provide you a job, they'll train you as well. Want to go to college later? They can help pay for it, but by then you might already be well trained. I have a nephew doing welding for the Navy and it's pretty lucrative for him once he leaves the service, which isn't bad for a guy without a college degree.
It seems everyone has left one conspicuous option unspoken:
Don't go to college.
Let me be clear. I am not saying you should not go to college, but it is important to remember that not going to college is a viable option. There are many many well-paying jobs out there that do not require a college degree. The important thing to remember when preparing for the workforce is that you should gain marketable skills. You can do this through college, through a trade school, or by gaining experience in the low end of a company or apprenticeship and working up.
What you absolutely should not do is make the mistake of our generation by digging yourself into massive debt when getting an overpriced degree. Be smart. Do not overpay. There are other options out there.
I just wanted to add one thing not mentioned above. You could consider going to one of the few free colleges such as Berea in Kentucky. You will have to work for them, but you won't pay anything except for food and housing. They are a top school, I do not know what they require to get in, but there are a handful of schools that do not charge tuition.
My wife and I have six children who are in college or have graduated. So far, with almost no financial help from us, they have earned 4 Bachelors degrees, a Masters degree, and an Associates degree (with a Bachelors degree and a PhD in progress).
On their own, they covered the cost of housing, living expenses, tuition, books, and fees. The only thing we have paid for is medical and dental expenses and insurance, and flights home. They didn't end up with massive student debt, either -- I think a couple of them borrowed a few thousand (probably less than 10k) during undergrad, and the rest have no college debt.
How did they do it?
Chose less-expensive schools (you can Google for "best value colleges" to find schools that are good quality for the money)
Worked while going to school: part-time during the semester, and as much as possible during the summer
Got scholarships
Worked and saved money before college
Took some classes (typically 2 to 6) at a community college before starting at a university
To be fair, they have known since they were 5 that their parents would not be paying for college, so they had time to prepare. But you can apply most of the same principles right away.
In addition to negotiating with your immediate parents, also ask if other members of your extended family may be able to help: grandparents, uncles/aunts, etc.
E.g.: I turned down acceptance at a top-tier Ivy school because my parents said they couldn't pay for it. A year later, it was revealed to me that my great uncle and aunt had for decades been saving for a college fund that could have paid for it.
I can related to this, when in University I paid my own way with part time jobs and computer related odd work, and had money to spare.
Granted, I am in Europe, I paid myself my tuition fees (relatively low at the time), my food, tuition books, information technology books, clothing, computer hardware, medicines, bus fees, trips and outings/holidays. My parents only provided accommodation and utilities.
In my last year in faculty, back in 1995, had 800,000 Escudos (4000 Euros without taking into account inflation) in my own savings account. At the time, I was one of the few privileged to have not one, but two good computers at home, and a modem, also paid with my own money.
But I did not have a car of my own, which can be a huge money sink, while other (few) fellow students picked up more girls with their cars. And I did not go eat to fancy restaurants, only to the university canteen. Having or not money available for your study/needs also depends on how frugal you want to live. People often forget that it is not only the money that goes in, but the sum of money that goes in and the expenses you make.
Don't let your parents drag you into their arguments. This is BAD co-parenting. Yes there is probably alimony paid. It is much harder for 2 people to afford living independently than together (2 mortgages or rents, day care instead of at home care, etc etc). Ignore the bickering between them and don't ask for explanations. Look at your future as if they will not pay even if they work together. Love them for being your parents and look past the faults. You aren't perfect either. Your life will be better to let this roll off your back.
Get a job. Full time college is only 3 - 4 classes per semester. Full time lets you get grants and scholarships. Avoid partying and work instead. You will come out with a lot less debt, better work ethic, a job history, and no addictions... During the summer and breaks, you can pick up many more hours. I worked over 30 hours a week at a better than minimum wage job through a BS and MS program.
You need to try to prove that you are independent. This affects how grant money is awarded. Usually, college assumes you are a dependent of you parents until you are ~24? This greatly impacts cost to you. If they give you no support, you should be able to prove that and be eligible for more college support.
Start in a 2 year school that transfers directly into a 4 year school. After 2 years of lower cost tuition, you will have an associates degree and better employ-ability (better income). Then transfer to a 4 year school for a BS or BA, but keep working. Avoid the pitfalls of new students and just focus on school for the degree.
Keep your expectations realistic. Find a school that is relatively low cost to you (e.g. cost of living in the area is low, not private tuition unless scholarships make up the difference, etc). The degree matters far more than where you obtain it.
Don't waste this effort on a degree with no value (art history, english, psychology, even biology - 4 year degrees in these kinds of programs don't give you a competitive edge for a high paying job). Get a degree that you enjoy and is necessary for a good paying job. I'm thinking math, engineering, stem, or something with finances... when you pick your major, make sure you know what jobs it opens up and what their pay-rates are. Don't base it on promises of people in academia.
I don't know the details on this, but you should research in detail the FAFSA rules on whether there are any conditions under which you can exclude parents' income from consideration. Certainly this is an issue for people whose parents are estranged/have disowned them (common proble for LGBTQ would-be students). There may be ways to petition not to have it considered, or to wait a number of years before going to college to avoid having it considered. Unfortunately I don't think you're going to find any really good answers here, since my limited understanding is that it's still a really big problem for a lot of young people, but there's a chance you might find something that works in your favor.
You can easily have a sit-down with your parents, dig out the truth, and figure out how much they are willing to help you. Worst case scenarion, you get no help at all from them, then you must do the following:
Fill out your FAFSA (do it regardless of parent help) and figure out how much financial aid you qualify for from the Federal Governemnt, your State Governemt, and the schools you're applying for.
Apply for grants, scholarships, and fellowships. These are hard to get, but it doesn't hurt to try.
Get a part-time job. This will help you offset a huge chunk of the cost of going to school. It will also give you some work experience and discipline, very useful down the road.
If possible, stay living with your parents. This will save you lots of money on rent, utilities, and other costs. Every dollar you save by doing this, is a dollar less you'll have to borrow from student loans.
Anything else, unfortunately you'll have to borrow in the form of student loans.
Consider going to a community college first, you'll get the same credits and education you'd get at some 4-year university, but at a fraction of the cost (if not entirely free). You can transfer your credits to virtually any university whenever you want.
Take a hard look at the kind of degree you are going for. A S.T.E.M degree is far more justifiable to go into debt for than other degrees. Choose a field that will pay big bucks when you graduate.
A bit of my own personal story. My parents were too poor to pay for any of my education, so I came out of school with k in debt (it would have been less if I knew better and followed my own advice I just listed above). However, I came out with a Bachelors in Science in Computer Science and making k a year (now 0k six years later and rising). I paid my k debt in about 3 years. Totally worth it and would do it again. So, like I said, make sure the degree you're going for is worth all this hassle.
Another option is to consider studying in a country where there are no tuition fees, e.g. Norway. You then only need to have funds for your living expenses.
Divorce records are public. Go to the county Clerk's office and read through all the documents (Divorce Decree, Property Settlement, etc). It'll be depressing, but that'll show how much your father is sending to your mother.
Note that both sides might be telling the truth. Depending on where you live, housing expenses can be shockingly high, and teens -- through understandable lack of experience in the world -- usually don't have a good grasp about how expensive stuff really is.
Thus, two houses -- and therefore two mortgages -- might just be eating a lot of that money. Add on to that any possible poor spending habits by either side and POOF there goes the money that would have been spent on college.
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