How to make an uninterested teenager find his interests?
I'm living in a patchwork family and this question is about my 15 years old stepbrother. He is about to decide for an apprenticeship but the problem is that he doesn't show any particular interests towards what he signed up for. He mostly takes the suggestions from his dad and halfheartedly applies there (at the moment he's signed up to get an apprenticeship for business informatics).
To his personality and skills: He is a very silent person; during meals (we are 7 people) he never initiates a conversation and if asked a question he responds with a slightly awkward, growling voice and never tries to continue the conversation. He's not very skilled with his hands or possesses good fine motor skills. He had to ask his dad multiple times for clarification when cooking ramen noodles. His only interest I can identify is playing video games.
Me and my mom (not his mom) have discussed this many times and none of us could come up with anything he might be interested in so I think it is up to him to identify his interests. But since he also doesn't actively try to find something he's interested in, what are things me and my family could do to motivate him to do so?
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How about getting him involved in some community activities or classes? Its hard to find new interests without trying things. Pick up a flyer for classes or volunteer activities at a local center and get him to pick one or two then pay for the class and enroll him.
See if you can get him involved in really random classes and things. Some of these might be things you/family can do with him! (I'm going to randomly throw ideas out):
Parkour
Cooking
Electronics hobby
Sports (soccer, etc)
Volunteering at an animal shelter
Volunteering with kids
Swimming
Archery
Skateboarding
Martial arts
Photography
Art/drawing/digital design
Board games (see if you can find a local group of gamers that meets to play on a weekly/monthly basis)
Hiking/biking local trails
Bird watching
Stamp collecting (okay, maybe not - but think of random things! :) )
Also, try taking an interest in HIS thing. You said "video gaming" but video games are so incredibly diverse now. What does he play? Why? Single player? Multiplayer? Strategy/shooter/FPS/RTS/turn based/real-time/creative-type (terraria/Minecraft), etc. Does he like the challenge, the creativity, the quests, the adrenaline, the online community? Ask him what he likes about his favourite games. Ask him to teach you how to play! Taking a genuine interest in his "thing" and forming a better connection will help when you try to get him to go and do something with you.
Perhaps enrolling in the class or joining the community alongside him will help. Trying new things is embarrassing sometimes due to the clumsiness that comes with unfamiliar activites, but can be easier to start and more fun if a friend is alongside laughing and struggling with them.
As a mom to two teenagers, I feel safe saying that you cannot make a teenager (boy or girl) become interested in something if he or she doesn't want to be interested. And trying to motivate your stepbrother could easily backfire; he might resist and/or resent any motivational strategies.
My advice is to give him some space and let him learn about himself and life at his own pace. Be there if he asks for help but otherwise let him be.
Sometimes it is less about what you want to do and more about what you
don't want to do.
If possible it might help to get into a low level job. The fear of being stuck at McDonald's or Walmart has driven many teenagers to apply themselves in college.
As long as he is comfortable he will avoid facing the uncomfortable realities of being a responsible adult. Honestly, do you blame him? I don't think video games or types of video games has much to do with finding an interest as it does with blocking him from finding an interest.
Based on personal experience video games can be a distraction more than a hobby. Some people are willing to leech off others, even be homeless instead of deal with the difficulty of life. The process of getting 'into life' and to get motivated can take time, but with tough love it is possible.
What is tough love in my mind?
1) You love someone when they don't deserve it - that is tough
2) You teach them discipline and train them up even when they don't see the good you are doing them. But this requires definition 1 to be successful.
It is up to you to decide if this advice applies and how it will look in the life of those you care about.
Final Note:
As a final note I want to address the reality of Video Game Addiction. I have not read up a ton on the matter, so at this moment I will simply add some relevant links.
American Addiction Centers on Video Game Addiction
WebMD on Video Game Addiction
WHO close to recognizing Video Game Addiction
It’s clear that compulsive gaming, like compulsive gambling,
uncontrollable drug use, or any other obsessive behavior, can be
harmful.
Classification of Video Game Addiction
Most definitions of video game addiction refer to excessive play which
results in negative emotional, social, relational, educational, or
career - related consequences
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