What are some possible reasons of why my readers preferred this "writing" over the others two?
Recently, I wrote the following stuff for a photo web comic I created inspired in "a softer world.":
To break up and stay friends means to
throw away a possession and turn it
into something that can be useful
again...It's disturbing how the word
"recycling" fits into that so well.
Living a busy life, full of stress,
sweat and sacrifice, can make us think
...that we are actually doing something
worthy with our lives.
He took away the girl I secretly loved
for years. I told him, crying, "she
was all I ever wanted!" He told me,
smiling..."finders keepers."
Only one person liked number 1, 20 persons liked number 2, and no one liked number 3 (based on the number of Facebook likes).
Each of them have been published for 1 or 2 days.
Most of my reader are Taiwanese and foreigners living in that country.
I would like to hear opinions from writers here.
I'm really puzzled about the big difference. I don't see anything special about the number 2.
(Sorry I referred them as "writing," I'm not sure if I should call them 'paragraphs').
(1)1 Comments
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Well, as you pointed out on EL&U.SE, in No. 3 you mean "crying" not in the sense of shouting out loud but weeping. Possibly your readers are a little skeeved out at the prospect of a man weeping in front of a victorious rival for the affections of a woman. Not only that, but he wasn't even man enough to give voice to his feelings, preferring to keep them "secret" for years. Not only that, but it's really bad writing: pure, over-amped bathos. And the parallel structure ("I told him, crying ...", "He told me, smiling"), instead of strengthening it, merely serves to emphasize what is bad about it.
No. 2 is simpler, more straightforward, and not a bad sentence (though I don't exactly think the ellipsis works here to good effect). It also has interesting, human hooks: life, stress, sweat, sacrifice.
No. 1 is just opaque. The logic is muddy, there are two infinitive clauses in a row, and it's all very abstract. I doubt most readers even read it all the way through.
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