: Should an almost 2 year old be picked up when he asks? It is second nature for me to pick up my child when he wants it unless there is something preventing it such as cooking, etc. My husband asked me to not pick him up so

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I would suggest that you start defining rules and routines. Rather than just picking him up "less" you should have times and circumstances when you and your husband will pick him up, such as a regular sit-down after lunch, and times when you won't, such as when you are going out for a walk. Decide with your husband what these are going to be.

If he wants to be picked up at the wrong time, just say "no, we are having a walk". Then when you get back in pick him up and give him a hug. He will kick up a fuss about this at first, but just keep on being consistent.

The "terrible twos" are the time when children start learning that they can't have everything they want when they want it. This is stressful, but the key to success is to set boundaries and (mostly) stick to them. As long as your child gets a decent amount of hugs and cuddles overall then a framework of rules will be beneficial rather than harmful.

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I find that toddlers are perfectly capable of understanding that different people have different rules. You don't need to sync your values. Especially if dad's values revolves around the kid learning to deal with less closeness, a two year old doesn't need two parents like this.

Make sure you own your rules and don't try to phrase them as general rules of the universe; "I can't carry you right now" is preferable to "You need to walk". Our children are more interested in pleasing us than the universe, and besides it'll be more comprehensible when the rules vary from one parent to another. If your child has a desire to be held, and you decide that you should not meet that need, explain yourself in a way that a toddler can relate to. "I can't carry you any more, my back will hurt", or "I need both my hands free for this task" are both acceptable explanations, while "I've decided that you should walk now" is, as a reason, incomprehensible to me and most two year olds.

This is an age where our kids are developing new skills at a tremendous pace. Remind your husband that just because they could do one thing yesterday, that does not necessarily mean that they'll be able to do the same today, under different circumstances, stress level, hunger status, etc. "I know that you can" is something kids this age will hear a lot, which simply may not be true. It may be that your kid was learning to walk better and better recently, and was happy to have that as his ongoing project, but has now automated that task and shifted his focus on to something else, which has depleted his energy reserves so that he is no longer able to carry out the now mundane task of walking for very long stretches at a time.

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I'm not sure that I would connect your picking him up with the change of behavior with your husband, honestly; in my experience, even by two my children very much understood the difference between Mommy's rules and Daddy's rules. I was generally the "take them out" parent, and I also preferred they walk when they could - by two to three we walked for miles at a time, and they enjoyed that.

That doesn't mean, though, that they didn't go through phases where they wanted me to pick them up more; but it wasn't because of anything my wife did. They simply were going through phases, and sometimes they needed more physical attention. Wanting to be carried didn't necessarily mean they were trying to get out of walking; odds are they just wanted some physical contact. Two year olds' bodies and minds are changing in major ways, and sometimes that means a need for reassurance that their parents are there.

At two they're also starting to notice the world around them more, and doing that from three feet up is hard; adding a few feet by being picked up can help a lot! My oldest in particular really liked to be picked up so he can see things around him, not necessarily any one thing, just the higher vantage to see the world and take it in.

If your husband's concern is stamina, that he's asking to be picked up which is leading to him not walking as far, then my suggestion is to do what I did with my second child. My kids are 19 months apart, and by the time the younger was about 2 I would definitely push him a bit harder than he was ready for sometimes, as I forgot he wasn't as capable as his older brother.

What I would do when that happened is spell him for short distances; I'd ask him if he was tired, and if he said yes, I'd say "Okay, I'll carry you for this block, but then you need to walk the next block, okay?" That was basically our version of HIIT for toddlers - okay, only really the IT from that (interval training), but it worked. He'd get a break for a couple of minutes, we could go the faster speed of the older child, and then he'd get some more work developing those important muscles and stamina. If it was just asking for physical reassurance - he got that too, and still walked plenty.

So - my suggestion is for you to do what you think is best in terms of picking him up, and encourage your husband to try intervals to help him build stamina (both mental AND physical).

One other conisderation I'd make sure you're thinking about: if your husband was like me, and tended to "own" the outings in his head (meaning, most outings were me+kids, rarely with my wife coming along - not that she couldn't or wasn't invited, she just wasn't interested in the day trips to the children's museums (or any other museum) or to the parks, and was happy for me to do those).

When she did come, we often had minor disagreements, because I had my way of doing things that the kids and I were used to, and she wasn't. When she'd do something differently than I'd normally do things - and I'm certain picking her a child up and carrying them for a while was something that would've happened at some point - it would frustrate me, because it would change our routine. I wouldn't realize it was her doing what she thinks was the right thing at the time, and she wouldn't realize it was a deviation from my routine; so we'd both become frustrated. We learned over time to navigate this. I recognized that she had her own routines, and even on a trip those were important, and to point out when she was missing one of our routines in a polite way ("By the way, I usually don't carry the kids for long distances, but encourage them to walk at least half of the distance, to help them build stamina") rather than getting frustrated - as she's not doing it on purpose; while she learned over time what was important to me and to be proactive in asking before doing something different from those routines.

If this is some of the issue, then it's a great idea to talk about the differences in your actions and why you do what you do, so you both can understand each other better. It may well be that your husband doesn't entirely understand why you need to pick him up, and you may not entirely understand why he needs to be able to walk with him. Getting on the same page would help both of you understand each other better!