DNA Testing on 10 year old
I have three kids. For the last 10 years, my two oldest have had a good relationship with their grandparents and father's family.
This past weekend, an ex-boyfriend and I met up for drinks to catch up, and we always knew there could be a possibility of him being the father of my second child, but we never acted upon it. The day she was born, I told my husband at the time that if he wanted to do a DNA test to do it then, and not wait. He said no, that the child was his and so we went on with life.
We eventually divorced and now he gets the kids one weekend a month. So now I'm trying to figure out if I should have a DNA test done for my ex-boyfriend to see if he is actually the father of my second child. I don't want to screw her up, but I feel like everyone needs to know the truth on who she is. She has no idea that my former husband is not or may not be her dad. He is all she has ever known.
I've tried to get my ex to take a test in the past, but he never agreed until now. He is finally in a stable place mentally that he could handle being a father, but I don't want to screw my kid up mentally. Is 10 too young to pass on this information or should we wait until she is 18?
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Before I begin, being a dad is zero percent biological and 100 percent showing up. I have five children. One of my children is from my wife's previous marriage. I love him with all of my heart and origin of his DNA has nothing to do with it. I show up every day, do the hard things to raise him, teach him how to be an adult, and be the best dad I can be. There is a huge difference between fathering a child and being a dad.
Your child is too young for this information when the test hasn't even been performed yet. Why muddy the waters and have the child questioning who her father is when nothing has even been discovered yet? If you are unsure about the paternity, you should get the test done simply for medical reasons. Knowing the connection to past medical issues is enough of a reason to get the testing done. However, do not tell the child about the test. I have no advice on when and even if you should tell them if the results of the test show that the ex-boyfriend is the father. Prior to the test being done and the results being known, keep the child out of it.
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