Is ignoring a 3-year-old a good or bad disciplinary measure?
My wife's a stay at home mom since our kid was born. She also looks after the needs of 3 old people who we live with (there are 2 paid help), quite busy.
When I ask my 3-year-old kid to do something small like not play on his slider as I'm exercising the puppy, he won't listen. I tell him, you can continue in 10 minutes, let me walk the dog now. She's a 9-week-old puppy and can get hurt. He does agree that she's a baby, but I guess he thinks the slider is not a danger. So then I stop talking to him (after letting him know why), i. e. I ignore his requests to play, put on video etc. I work from home 10 days a month so we do a lot of things together - park, pool, lego-duplo even watching peppa pig, finley ... cartoons. Yesterday, I also kept the slider in another room so he could not use it anymore.
Is this a good way to tell a child you don't like his behavior? My wife has more patience.
(3)3 Comments
Sorted by latest first Latest Oldest Best
I've seen ignoring be an extremely effective disciplinary tool for this age range. As long as you're not giving him the cold shoulder for a long time, and as long as your child understands what displeased you (which you said you did make clear).
This tool goes very well with another one, that we could call "catch him being good." When your son displays desirable behavior that pleases you, give him warm, positive feedback.
There are definitely times when ignoring a child's behavior is the better part of wisdom. This, however, isn't one of them.
Children - especially 3 year olds - are not mind readers. They are, however (like you) human, and want what they want. (You want him to stop. He wants to continue. That is the sum total of what he knows about the situation as it stands to an outsider.)
Communication is so important in life; it can be used to establish trust and respect. You can use such opportunities to model these things.
Explain why you don't want him to use the slider so he knows it's not just a command he can ignore. In explaining why, you can evaluate the merits of the request yourself. Ask him why he wants to use the slider. Then perhaps the two of you can negotiate (e.g. how about we come out after, and you can use the slider then? or whatever.) Negotiation is a great skill to learn, and a powerful tool.
You are indirectly asking, is ignoring a child an appropriate consequence for disobedience?
To me, the answer is no, because it sends (again, to me) the message that if you don't obey me, I will treat you like you do not matter to me.
It's really good that you do many enjoyable things with your child, and you deserve credit for that. Establishing consequences for disobedience takes a lot of work, but it's no less a part of parenting than the great things you do together.
Please read about consequences and how to set appropriate ones. There are a lot of similar questions on this site. And congratulations on caring enough to ask! That makes you a better parent right there. :-)
Active ignoring is a great and useful tool in behavior modification. However, it must be used appropriately and the correct time. If he is acting up or having behaviors for attention then actively ignoring well curb the behavior.
However, if he is just doing it because he's a kid messing with things then it will not. Sounds like you need to block his access to the slider and redirect him to another activity.
Assign him a task like getting the leash or getting the treats ready for when the puppy comes back inside. If he doesn't respond take it away until he earns it back by listening and following directions.
Terms of Use Privacy policy Contact About Cancellation policy © freshhoot.com2025 All Rights reserved.