How should I respond to a 6 year old's dark drawings?
My 6 year old nephew likes to draw. Most of the drawings have been of the family, animals and locations we visit or that he would like to visit. Until recently, I wouldn't describe any of these images as being dark.
Over the last fortnight, some of the images have been dark. To cite 2 examples:
One drawing was of a saber-tooth tiger surrounded by 3 human hunters with spears. There was a lot of red on the page indicating blood
One drawing was of the family dog, who sadly passed away in October last year. Most of the drawing was fine, except the dog was urinating heavily. My nephew thought this aspect to be hilarious
Now I think it is important to give some background of his home life:
He is actually very kind. He treats younger children very well and likes meeting the neighbours' friendly pets
His parents are going through a rough patch at the moment. His father (my brother) is suffering from a midlife crisis and is having an affair. This is well known to everyone in the family except my nephew
There has been bereavement in the family. As mentioned, the family pet died a few months ago, and his paternal grandfather died 2 years' ago
When I saw the drawings I didn't know how to respond. Part of me feels that it is beneficial for him to express his feelings, whereas another part feels concerned about the social stigma associated with the drawings if other people found out about them.
My questions are:
Should I be worried about the darker aspects of his drawings?
How should I respond to them?
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Children (all humans really) respond to input, they imitate what they see and experience. He's probably drawing these things based in various sources of input. If his parents spend a lot of time with him (stay at home), they probably know exactly what input he received that lead him to draw what he did. Thinks of it like an inside joke that you don't get it because you're not with him all the time. To a child, pee is funny, and blood is interesting.
Don't be concerned.
Respond by asking his parents if they know what the drawings are all about. They're probably not concerned.
I would not worry. These are not dark images in the normal sense.
First, a kid likes to draw what they see and hear, and their sense of humor may be tied to more simple things then our. So, for:
One drawing was of a saber-tooth tiger surrounded by 3 human hunters with spears. There was a lot of red on the page indicating blood
That's "normal" exploring of the cause and effect of hunting, death, and the like. It's what we do as humans. We kill animals and eat them. The animal has to die to for that to happen and this is a normal way to "explore" that. It's much better than, say, trying to stab the neighbor's dog to see what happens. Unless they are drawing a specific animal (Susan's Cat) many times, then it's really not important and just normal.
One drawing was of the family dog, who sadly passed away in October last year. Most of the drawing was fine, except the dog was urinating heavily. My nephew thought this aspect to be hilarious
Pee is just funny. Be glad you didn't have to, or don't have to go through the phase of the child peeing on things just because it's funny. Our son thought it was a blast to pee in his bedroom for about 6 weeks. He would just whip it out and let it fly, the giggle the entire time. This can happen for lots of reasons, but none of them are "warning signs".
I wouldn't consider that dark. Dark would be every drawing having family members dead or something. Specific to people you know. I used to draw medieval scenes with gruesome atrocities but it was not cause I was disturbed or anything. Still got me sent to psychologists which was a complete waste of time.
Should you be worried? I say no. Not yet.
How should you respond? I say don't. Not yet.
Now back to my own experiences - I just liked to draw. I was into knights. I drew people getting slaughtered from as far back as something like 7 or 8 years old I guess. I made flip books usually involving massacres. Lots of blood. etc. I had no resentment toward anyone. I was not angry. I was not sad. I just liked to draw and usually that's what came to mind because really think about the alternatives to young kids.
My parents took me to see psychologists. That was a huge mistake. That made me mad. When I was there, I couldn't be doing what I wanted to do, which was draw. And probably draw people being murdered. The thing is they chose to focus on what I was drawing and not what I was doing with every other aspect of my day. It's not like I was capturing animals and killing them. I was building legos... usually castles and knights where lego men got slaughtered. Making cushion forts, reading comic strip books like garfield and calvin and hobbes. Basically doing what little boys do. Aside my interest in drawing murder scenes, I was normal.
I would pay attention to all activities in his general day. If he has other interests, then casually think about what is thought process may be. If it all seems to point back to murder, then maybe ask a professional in child psychology. I despise and absolutely do not respect that vocation, but I'd still recommend giving it a try if you genuinely feel your kid thinks of murder all day long. Otherwise, he's just drawing what he's currently interested in.
My three year old is fascinated by many aspects of the lifestyle of stone age hunter-gatherers, including the manufacture of stone tools, the slaughter of mammoths, and the (hypothesized) construction of shelters from their tusks and bones. He can't draw very well yet, but he play-acts all of these things.
We (my family) are omnivores, and my son understands that animals die when we eat them. I think it's perfectly normal and healthy for him to be interested in the harsh reality of where meat comes from, whether hunted or bought at the grocery store. I think this is part of being environmentally aware and responsible. It's not something to be concerned about at all, unless it becomes a fascination with causing suffering or killing for its own sake.
As for drawing the dog peeing, I find that pretty hilarious myself.
I wouldn't assume the child doesn't know anything about what is going on in the family regarding the affair.
Although you are correct that he probably does not know nor understand the details, I would almost guarantee that he senses something is not right. Ask him if he feels something is not right - if he does, let him know that his intuition is correct, and that it is not something he caused.
I don't think you need to respond in the role of a parent. This behavior doesn't require intervention. It is part of normal exploration of the world.
But you can respond socially by gently wrinkling your nose at them if that's how you they make you feel.
A reaction to the hunting scene could be "Oof, really bad day for the tiger huh? Is that all blood? Gnarly! I can't look."
A reaction to the dog scene could be "Oh it's your dog. Is he peeing? Blech! Why so much? Haha, when I remember him I think I'll picture him doing something else..."
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