When should 12 (almost 13) year old daughter get a phone?
My daughter is almost 13 and she does not have a phone. I don't think she should have one yet but she says that all her friends have one, and that is true. She is responsible but I am not sure if I should buy her one yet because I want her to be safe on the Internet and on social media.
Currently I'm planning on getting her one when she turns 15 1/2 but she says that's too late.
Is there any good research on the effects of smart phones on adolescents of different ages? I'd like to make an informed decision I can talk to my daughter about.
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Whether or not there are studies, there is also sheer pragmatism. Many homes no longer have land lines, and pay phones are a thing of the distant past. If your teen is to be able to communicate with you, say to let you know she's gone to a friend's house, or she's in a bad place and needs a ride home, she will need a phone. My own daughter got her first phone when she started babysitting her brother at 12 or 13, because when the parents were gone so were the phones.
Perhaps consider getting her a "dumb" phone, ie, one that only texts and calls. They still exist, and perhaps this could be a motivational tool, e.g.:
This is the phone that I am willing to provide for you. If you want something different, we need to discuss what extra chores you're going to be doing around the house to pay for your own phone.
I emphasize extra because I'm a firm believer that children shouldn't be paid for things they should already be doing like cleaning their room, getting good grades, etc.
I agree with her, that 15 is too late, especially if you want to have something to say in what she does with her phone. Also you can't learn how to use the internet by not using the internet. It is like trying someone to teach how to drive only by stories.
I would go with buying her one, and use it to encourage her to use the useful sides as well as have an eye on her social media behaviour.
Encouragement for example with, when she is asking you something, tell her to use google/wikipedia to get the information.
While you can see her social media behaviour by letting her have for example a Face book account and be in her friend list. That way you can be aware of what she does there. Or at least get a hint that she might be up to no good if she blocks you from certain information.
If you try to keep her away from this things until she is 15, then it is very likely that she finds a way to do it anyway, without you even knowing. Getting a smartphone isn't that hard if you really want to.
Age matters less than education.
First, educate her about known dangers and how to avoid it.
Second, teach her to use the smartphone as a productive tool! Not as a status symbol.
The original purpose of a smartphone is versatility and productivity, not mirror posing!
Additional thing: Keep away from Snapchat filters. They roast the identity and reputation of your child, especially infamous animal filters.
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