Quotes or no, for Hiccup
I have a character unleash a monster hiccup in a scene. I'd like advice regarding whether or not it should be in quotes.
Here's the scene, in summary
"Hiccup!" Jane tried not to look embarrassed.
[Characters carry on]
"Hiccup!" This time, she was embarrassed.
[Conversation turns to focus on the hiccups]
(4)4 Comments
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If you really feel the need to have whatever noise she makes expressed as dialogue, I would write it as "Hic!"
However, I personally would either write it as Hic! to indicate it's more of a sound than speech, or just relate it narratively:
Jane hiccuped loudly, startling even herself. She tried not to look embarrassed.
I'd consider rewriting, I don't think it's common to put such bodily interruptions into dialogue. Consider this wince from Harrison Bergeron, by Vonnegut:
George winced. So did two out of the eight ballerinas.
Hazel saw him wince. Having no mental handicap herself, she had to ask George what the latest sound had been.
"Sounded like somebody hitting a milk bottle with a ball peen hammer," said George.
You would not use quotations, because it implies that she shouts hiccup rather than hiccups. If you replace hiccup with bang the difference becomes more apparent.
she hiccuped = A women has just hiccuped, and this refers more to the action than the sound itself.
Hiccup! = A sound occurs, and it specifically sounded like the word used.
"Hiccup!" = Someone shouts hiccup. Presumably Stoick, from How To Train Your Dragon.
Surprise requires context, so don't worry too much about it not being at the beginning of a sentence.
Jane listened intently, nodding, then immediately hiccuped.
Bob smiled slightly but kept going.
On a side, note, if she was simply "embarrassed", that's probably obvious, and could be omitted. Now, if she did something to show that she were embarrassed, you might want to write that.
Jane hiccuped again and covered her mouth, blushing.
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