How do I help my kids "feel comfortable in their own skin"?
I had a friend say:
That kid is so relaxed. He's easygoing and comfortable in his own skin.
My question is: How do I help my kids "feel comfortable in their own skin"?
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I believe that teaching a child to be comfortable in their own skin is an organic thing and something that they truly learn from you. If they see that you are comfortable in your skin and with who you are, it's a sign to them that it's okay for them to be.
Some other things you can do:
Be cognizant of body shaming language and try not to use it. Tell your child how strong their body is, bring attention to it, have them acknowledge it. This also goes with how flexible, etc. Praise things they like, even if you don't. I know that my son is heavily into dinosaurs and I often will compliment him on the amount of information that he is able to remember. I praise how smart he is in general when he shares information that I might not know. I encourage his passions and always let him know that his feelings and emotions matter and they aren't "less than" just because he's a child. I make sure that he knows it's okay to be proud of himself, it's okay to be a little different than others, to be an individual and we celebrate that......and all of these things lead to a child being comfortable with who they are as a person and in their own skin.
When I hear the phrase "being comfortable in your own skin" that means to me that you are comfortable just being you. It implies feeling secure with who you are and not always being cognizant of what other people might be thinking about you.
Love and accept your child for who they are. Teach them that it's ok to like what they like or to dislike things others consider normal. For example, if your son would rather play a musical instrument than play football, that's ok. It doesn't matter if other boys tease him because he's a "nerd" for liking music and not sports. Teach your son that other people's opinions about him don't matter all that much. (This isn't to say that he should be inconsiderate of others or has a license to act inappropriately, just that certain aspects of who he is are things that no one can tell him are "wrong".)
To reiterate, just love him for who he is and encourage him in whatever he does. If he likes to be funny, encourage that. If he likes sports or music, help him pursue those. As long as you love him and he learns to love those things about himself, he will be fine.
Your kids are a copy of you and the world that's around them. If you speak English, so do they. If you do sports, they do it as well. If you are comfortable in your skin, they will be too.
And apart from that, it's all about talking seriously with them. It should be a conversation, not a lecture. Always try to avoid talking at them, and instead talk with them.
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