Ways to convince a teenager to quit smoking
I'm 23 years old and I have a sister that is very soon turning 17. She lives with my parents and I live abroad for a couple of years now.
My mother noticed that my sister started smoking around 1 year ago and has been asking for my advice on how to convince my sister to quit smoking. We both had separate conversations with her on the topic and explained all the downsides of smoking. Didn't seem to work much.
The problem is that my sister smoking reached a peak point recently, when my sister went to a high school trip over the weekend with some of her classmates. The head teacher that was with them caught her smoking and forced my sister to call my mother and tell her that she has been caught smoking, while the teacher was next to her. So my mother called me and asked what could she do about it (she seemed very worried and out of ideas) when my sister gets back home. I suggested that she should try a different approach and ask my sister about how to deal with the situation. The idea was to see if she recognises that it's not the best thing that she can do.
What other concrete actions can I or my mother take towards convincing my sister to stop smoking? As I understand, my mother believes that my sister will listen more to me than to her (she's in that rebellious teenager period), so that's why she's asking for my help. Also, she believes the fact that I've just been a teenager should help.
A couple of points:
My mother didn't have to deal with this problem while raising me, since I never found smoking interesting and didn't even try it once.
My sister's high school is the same I went to. Roughly 70% of the teenagers smoke, unfortunately. It's being perceived as a cool thing to do. There's a lot of smoking in the school breaks.
In the country where she lives smoking is allowed in bars, pubs, restaurants, clubs. So she is exposed to people smoking and has easy access to cigarettes. Even though selling cigarettes to younger than 18 years olds is illegal, nobody respects that.
My father is not home very much and we try to keep him out of this, since we believe he won't approach this in an adequate way.
I have read this question and this question and this article. If you have any other suggestions, please let me know.
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It strongly depends on the level of addiction. If it is in the starting stage, shock may help.
When my teacher found her son was smoking she took him to faculty hospital to attend autopsy of lifetime smoker.
Quite brutal way, I agree, but it did the job - he quit quite short after that.
If she is in advanced stage of addiction, she must identify herself as addicted and fully agreed she wants to change. Replacing nicotine addiction by different "activity" is the way - active sports are good replacement.
Support her. Remind her successes (whole week without a cig) and belittle her failures (hey, it was one cig after whole month).
Different kids need to hear different messages. Many of the tactics, stratagems, and talking points that work on younger kids or non-smokers simply will not work if you are dealing with an older teen who already smokes (e.g. kissing a smoker is like kissing an ashtray). Some of what I'm about to suggest may actually be counterproductive for a non-smoker to hear.
It boils down to this:
In the short term: smoking doesn't seem very harmful and there are a variety of benefits (social belonging, de-stress, pleasant, appetite management).
BUT
In the long term: smoking is incredibly harmful.
I'm sure she already knows that, but you or your mother need to have a talk with her.
Part 1 - Figure Out The Appeal
Encourage her to talk through some of her thoughts and feelings. What is the appeal for her? While discussing, don't deny her feelings and experiences. If she says she likes the taste, don't tell her nobody could possibly like the taste. If she says it calms her down, don't deny it. Smoking is a hell of a way to meet people, especially important during a time when hormones are racing. The shared ritual in the smokepit is the ultimate icebreaker. Figure out which qualities are important to her before proceeding. This helps you build trust and anticipate challenges.
Part 2 - The Big Picture
This is where you lay out the facts: long-term smoking is incredibly damaging to health in a wide variety of ways. Even if she already knows (or professes to know), don't skip this step entirely. Smoking has profound affects on each of the following: hair, skin, taste/tongue, teeth, voice, athletic performance, COPD, cancer, etc. Don't take a deterministic view (i.e. don't say smoking will absolutely give you cancer); any given smoker will probably not experience diminution in all of those areas, but pretty much every smoker will be affected in some of those ways. Teenagers have a wonderful ability to engage in magical thinking; the point of this step is to strip away the idea that it can't happen to me.
Part 3 - Addiction
By this point, she'll probably admit that she doesn't intend to smoke forever, it's just something she's doing now that she'll probably quit later. Truth bomb: quitting smoking is crazy hard because it is both psychologically comforting and chemically addictive. The longer you smoke, the harder it is to stop. Ask her if she feels stress relief when she smokes. If she has, ask her if she thinks that is because smoking is genuinely stress relieving or if she is merely satisfying a chemical craving. Let her be honest. If she hasn't experienced cravings yet, tell her that's good news because it may be easier to quit. The point is to get her to conclude for herself that quitting is difficult and that she is becoming pysiologicically addicted regardless of her intentions. If she denies this, you may have to go into more depth with testimonials or stories from people she knows (maybe even her own friends who are already struggling with quitting).
Part 4 - The Next Steps
Hopefully she's now ready to accept the fact that she should quit, but this is where you encourage her to quit now (again: the longer you wait, the harder it is). In light of all the things discussed in part 1, ask her what kind of replacement behaviors and habits she'll need to develop to compensate. In light of part 3, ask her what kind of strategies she can use to combat the chemical side of addiction. Let her know that even with replacements, it will be hard. There are many different strategies and tools, all of which work for differently for different people. The key is to recognize that a variety of strategies should be employed and she should be willing to swap out techniques that are not working. Tell her she can ask for support, then support her when she asks.
Good luck in your efforts to help her, and good luck to her in her effort to kick the habit.
To help this young woman, clearly in trouble with a lethal and expensive drug, you need to consider both addiction and the cycle of change (google and read about this helpful generic approach to behaviour management).
1. Looking at the cycle of change: you're at step 1 - you need to get the woman thinking about change (then, after that, helping her to decide she wants to change). To get this woman thinking about quitting, you probably need a relationship with her friends - chances are she's doing this to 'look cool' (largely because it's flipping the bird at authority), so if her friends are all a positive audience for smoking your intervention is probably going to fail.
2. Addiction - if this woman gets to the point of deciding that she wants to quit (quite a long way down the cycle of change from now), you need to consider the fact that she is almost certainly, after a year, addicted. Quitting is going to be hard work and she'll need some support, maybe even want some help from a doctor.
At this point, I think the only way to convince a teenager to quit smoking is financial. As chilling as they are, PSA's showing some "nameless unfortunate old guy" are just not going to have an impact. Old age is a looong way off.
By financial, I mean your Mother should require that your sister purchase her own cigarettes and all of the other teenage "necessities". When she has to choose between a new iPhone or a pack of smokes, there is a good chance that the phone will win.
I also think your Mother has legitimate cause to cut off her allowance, if she receives one. Why should your Mom enable your sister to continue this behavior?
Harris (2011) suggests
[a]n ad campaign designed to get across the idea that the promotion of
smoking is a plot against teenagers by adults — by the fat cats of the
tobacco industry. Show a covey of sleazy tobacco executives cackling
gleefully each time a teenager buys a pack of cigarettes. Show them
dreaming up ads designed to sell their products to the gullible teen —
ads depicting smoking as cool and smokers as sexy.
This philosophy was pushed to an extreme by the Non-Smokers' Rights Association in France.
I found some evidence from Farrelly et al. (2012) that approaches of this sort work.
Thus, my suggestion is that you frame things in terms of smoking constituting gullible support for exploitative corporations. This would work particularly well if your sister is left-leaning, as most teenage girls are.
Farrelly, M. C., Healton, C. G., Davis, K. C., Messeri, P., Hersey, J. C., & Haviland, M. L. (2002). Getting to the truth: evaluating national tobacco countermarketing campaigns. American Journal of Public Health, 92(6), 901-907
Harris, J. R. (2011). The nurture assumption: Why children turn out the way they do. Simon and Schuster.
Many times it seems as though smoking is done for stress management, or for appearance.
Appearance
Everybody else is doing it. She finds one (or more) friend she likes, and her friend goes outside and they continue bonding as.. her friend smokes. The friend offers her one, and worried how it would look if she denied it, she accepts.
Keep in mind that fitting in is something that people generally need. The depression and social bullying that can take place when one doesn't fit in is certainly nothing to laugh at. She probably views it as harmless. In her view those long-term effects won't touch her, because she can smoke and fit in now, and then quit when she wants too.
Stress Management
For whatever reason, she used it once or twice. Now, if there's stress, she wants to smoke. It's her body's way of dealing with the stress. She feels like she needs it to deal with the stress. Nothing else will work and, in some cases, the simple act of not smoking can cause even more stress in situations where she may not want the nicotine withdrawal affecting her attitude and mentality.
I have known some smokers who continue to smoke because they fear what they'd be like without it.
In short, you need to discover why she smokes and then work on showing why those views are false, or, work on overcoming the difficulties of actually quitting. You'll notice that the general way to prevent smoking is by "talking to them". This is because understanding their troubles and knowing why they'd want to smoke in the first place is what allows you to advise them on ways that concern can be handled in a more healthy manner.
On appearance, you'd probably have to argue whether she really needs to smoke to fit in. She can still hang out with her friends, though second-hand smoke is still a problem its not as bad as smoking yourself.
On stress management, you'd have to work on quitting smoking in a step-by-step manner until its proven she really doesn't need it to handle stress.
As a teenager, there is a third reason she could be doing it. For rebelling purposes. Accepting it is her choice and her life may help if this is a reason for her, though it is challenging to let someone do something you see as hurting themselves, it may be the only way they decide to stop for themselves.
In whatever solution you choose, she has to want it too. Using extra motivations (money, privileges, etc) will help, but won't be successful unless she really has buy-in in wanting to quit.
You said that you had a conversation with her. Do you know why she smokes? Does she smoke only with friends or at home too? Is it to be "cool" or because she is stressed or maybe something else?
My advice would be try to know why she is smoking. You will need a different approach based on whether it's to be cool or if it's because she is stressed.
And I agree with JPhi1618's comment, it must be her choice; punishment won't work.
I started smoking at 17 because a girl I had a huge crush on smoked so it gave me an excuse to hang out with her. What would it have taken for her to convince me? I dunno. That girl saying no and a developing interest in a non-smoker? Yeah, I know, teenagers can be shallow and stupid. At least I can be honest about it.
It didn't help that I was already fairly financially self-sufficient (school plus a full-time job) so my parents couldn't bribe me. I will say this - punishment would not have worked. Quite the opposite. I did have a friend's parents get him to quit by matching the money he saved not-smoking. But if she's smoking to fit in with a certain crowd, the odds are stacked against you until she finishes school and that social circle becomes less relevant.
This may be country-dependent (I'm German), but my experience is that smoking is largely considered to be uncool among (educated) twenty-somethings.
Maybe your sister can't wait to get older (to finish high school, to go to university, etc.). If that's the case, since you are 23, you are in a good position to convince her that, in the environment she aspires to belong to, smoking isn't cool at all.
Also, I think you should treat her like an adult. Give her the feeling that you trust her to make her own decisions (even if you secretly doubt that), and argue rationally. She knows a single cigarette doesn't do much harm, so no use pretending otherwise and making a big deal out of the high school trip. Instead focus on the risk (also monetary!) of addiction (nobody finds that cool). Don't show her how concerned you are about her having smoked a couple of times, but how proud you would be if she manages to not make it a habit despite the peer pressure.
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