How to connect with 5 yr old
My eldest son will be 5 in 2 weeks time. Since our second boy (7.5 Months now) we been totally consumed by him as he demand attention. Our elder son just use to play with his switch and use to ask me to play and eventually started using iPad. I do from time to time, take him out to cycle, colour with him, teach him New tricks but I feel I m missing a lot.
I have a very rollercoaster career. Loosing job again and again. I am a web developer and since I shifted with my wife brother as they are not financial stable so I provide for them until 2 weeks back when I quit my job due to stress. I feel like I am lacking too behind in career and try to study all the time but now I got guilt. I ask myself if I am the best developer coz I don’t spend time with my son. Can’t teach him school things, can’t go out regular with him and now second son has taken most of time.
I can see in my son eyes he want time but ever since my teenage, I been sitting in front of computer all day I don’t know how to make a routine to bound with my son. His routine is turning like mine. All day tv, iPad and then sleep. I don’t want him to be raised like that. At the same time our second son is a constant attention seeker.
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You will have to tackle the problem of stress in your life along with bonding with your son. As mentioned in the other answers, build a structured time to spend with your son. I was in a similar situation, out-dated skills, stress of having to find a job and guilt of not spending enough time with kids.
You sound stressed. Take a complete break for 3-4 days or a week. Make a conscious decision not to think of work or finances. Maybe travel/ go to a local park everyday with your son and your family.
Develop "deep work" habits. Its amazing how much one can done in a few hours of focused work. This was the most difficult part for me to develop. I now wake up and get a couple of hours of work/study done before kids are up. I have also minimized the time spent on TV and social media.
Schedule times to spend only with your kid. Take him out to a park, throw a ball. Teach some reading or writing. Read books to him for fun. Take over responsibility for his meal (at least once a day), bath and other daily things to do. This will be hard initially for both you and the kid. The kid may not want to spend time in the park or read a book because screens are too attractive. Slowly limit and bring down screen time. It may be hard for you to feed the kid, since you do not know his habits around eating (just as an example, I do not know what you know about your kid). It may be hard for you to disconnect and stop worrying about work or finances.
The only way to bond with kids is spending quality time with them regularly. Also, if the stress is effecting you a lot, it may be time to take professional help.
Sounds like there is a lot on your plate and that you’re looking for new ways to connect with your son. Kids often benefit from some structure and routine. I would suggest starting by having a consistent time carved out on a regular basis where just you and your son have time together. This can start out as 10 mins every Saturday, for example, or a couple afternoons twice a week - whatever fits in your schedule. Is there something that you enjoy doing? Perhaps this is examining maps, going on a nature walk and looking for creatures, imaginative play, etc. Maybe it’s something you are curious about that your son has expressed interest in. I’m sure your son would enjoy having some one on one time with you.
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