Receiving a new visitor who has autism
We are receiving new guests over the holidays. My brother has a new girlfriend who has two children. Her youngest, an 8-year-old boy, has "mild autism." I am not absolutely sure what that covers, and unfortunately I haven't had much time to really discuss it directly with her. I would like to be sensitive to his needs when he comes to visit, but I am having difficulty finding resources that directly address how to help a child with autism adjust to a new environment.
Specifically, I was thinking that providing a calm, quiet area or room (and letting him know that he can retreat there whenever he wants to) would help him feel more comfortable, but I am concerned that he might feel isolated by this gesture.
Has anyone had experience with this kind of visit before? Would creating this kind of space be helpful, or only make things more complicated?
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My daughter has cerebral palsy, not autism, but the general principles are the same in this circumstance. We don't expect anyone to know what our daughter needs. Her needs are complex and unique. If we hosted another family with a child with CP in our house, we would ask the parents what they needed. Children who happen to share the same disorder have a lot of similarities, yes, but they are as different from each other as all other children are different from each other.
The most annoying thing when we stay at someone else's house is when they make assumptions without asking us. For example, our daughter can't walk, but can crawl, so people have made the assumption before that it's safer for her to crawl inside their house rather than risk her bumping into their stuff with her wheelchair. Wrong. It's painful, slow, dirty, and undignified for someone her age, even though it was perfectly fine when she was smaller.
So by all means provide them a safe and private area to use as they need, but don't make assumptions like "this is where he will go to calm down." If in doubt, just ask.
I think you are likely to be pleasantly surprised, though. In general, children with special needs are a lot more scary in theory than practice.
As DA01 mentions in his comments, autism is a gigantic spectrum. Strategies for how to deal with it vary widely - the person who could best answer this question would likely be the child's mother. It may be an uncomfortable question, but it's likely one that the child's mother is familiar with answering by now.
If you're worried about coming across as unwelcoming, try phrasing it something like "Is there anything I can do to help you and your child more be comfortable while you're here?", and not refer to it as "special needs" or a disability.
An alternative is to broach the subject through your brother, as he may be able to answer a few questions, or at least will be able to ask his girlfriend. If you're going to be hosting them for the holidays, the subject is going to come up at some point, and it's something you'd rather be prepared for than discover at the last minute.
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