How to extract child from busy place without physical restraint
Last weekend, my wife took our two children (almost 3 and 14 months) to the museum. They go there frequently (5-10 times in the last six months), and usually have no problems.
This time, the older one was a bit more tired than expected, and didn't do a very good job staying close to mommy. He twice went off to do something where she couldn't see him for thirty seconds or so, and while she knew where he was generally, obviously this isn't a good idea. The second time, she made it clear to him he would have to leave if it occurred again; which it did about a half hour later.
Unsurprisingly, as he was misbehaving likely due to tiredness, he threw a huge fit leaving, had to be physically restrained and hit/bit several times on the way out. This is normally challenging, even more so given there was also a 14 month old in tow.
Obviously, the first best answer for how to avoid this is simple: figure out when he's getting tired, and leave then rather than later. However, given sometimes we're going to get that wrong, what good solutions are there for extraction? This isn't a normal extraction, ie, leaving at closing or a designated time; this is when he's specifically crossed a line that means we have to leave now - so no "two minutes" or timers, which usually work very well. We'd rather not use physical restraint - it makes things worse, as it did here - but we don't entirely know what else to do. In quieter areas I might head towards the exit and expect him to follow (which usually works), but in a somewhat crowded museum that seems dangerous (and likely to hurt his feelings, as well).
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It's a horrible experience having to drag a child kicking and screaming out of a place, but it's sometimes the right thing to do and unavoidable. When children get tired and overstimulated sometimes the best thing to do is get them somewhere quiet where they can calm down.
At 3 years old children pass the point of being able to reason with them pretty often, no amount of cajoling or rewarding is going to work and you've got to do things your way.
The best way to deal with the situation is not to get into it in the first place. Limit time in really stimulating environments and take breaks in quiet spots.
It depends on what type of physical restraint we are talking about. Obviously your wife didn't hog tie him and throw over her shoulder. I would say that if she just picked him up and carried him out, I wouldn't say it's crossing any sort of abusive line. This is a situation where somewhat immediate action is needed. Tantrums have a wide range or severity. They can be gentle crying or outright physical violence. Every tantrum has a potential to escalate to a level where it could be harmful for the child, harmful for other patrons or the parent, or harmful to the surrounding environment (angry enough to break an exhibit).
I have tried both methods already mentioned; the quick extraction or the wait it out. The one and only time I tried the wait it out, the tantrum escalated to a point of no return and I had to carry her out.
I believe removing the child from the busy environment will quell the tantrum. I also believe that you have removed them from a comfortable zone to act out in; think about it, lots of people, big audience, more attention, and that's typically the purpose of a tantrum. When you put them in an environment where you are more comfortable, it gives you the upper hand. Removing a screaming child is not fun, especially if you are getting hit/bit/scratched but sometimes the best method isn't the easiest or most peaceful method.
The alternative (not necessarily the better one, but worth considering) is waiting out the tantrum right there. Your wife wasn't necessarily planning to leave right then, and as long as she stays firm that the next step is leaving, and he's not allowed to do anything else in the museum, or really move from the spot, it can work, and he will probably eventually leave of his own volition.
No doubt it's hard, and the severity/volume of the meltdown may be just too humiliating to wait out in a public place. If you can get them into a corner or alcove that's slightly removed, or worst-case, a restroom, it may be better.
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