How to deal with my 9 year old son who is not listening to me
I am a working woman. My son is 9 and is actually a good boy. But when I am ask him to study, to complete his school homework and do the studying that I give him, he just tells me that he will do it but in the evening when I go home and ask him "Have you completed your school homework and homework that I gave you?" it is not done. He just passes his time watching TV, cartoons, or playing on the computer. He has started lying to me that he is not feeling well so he couldn't do his homework.
In the beginning I thought he was being honest but everyday I am getting these type of answers. What should I do? I have scolded him, have talked to him in a very good manner and made every effort I can think of. Please advise me what to do.
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At this point I would start taking things away. If you say he has been telling you that he is not feeling well to get out of doing his schoolwork and house chores, he must also not be feeling well enough to watch TV or play on the computer.
For the next time that it happens, let him know how you feel sternly and that if he doesn't begin to do what you ask, there will be consequences. If he writes you off and ignores you, the next day before you head to work, put the TV remote and all the power cords to all the devices (TV power cable, computer power cable, and even the monitor cable) into a bag and take them to work with you. Also remove any mobile devices like smartphones or tablet computers, anything that can run on a battery.
When you return from home be prepared for one of two outcomes:
Outcome 1: Apologies. He may apologize and you will see that the work his teachers and you have asked him to do is completed. At this point, forgive him and remind him that this is what will always happen from now on. No more warnings! Also, return all of the items that you took.
Outcome 2: He will be angry with you. He may or may not have done the work but he definitely won't be apologetic. Inform him calmly that you warned him there would be consequences for his actions. And again, no more warnings. If he does have this attitude and by the end of the night he is still angry with you, the next day keep all the items you took in the bag and leave it by the door side before you go to work. If he still maintains his attitude in the morning before work, take the items with you. Show him that your trust in him has waned and he needs to earn it back. Show him that you are willing to do it again if he doesn't do the work he has been assigned and will continue you to do so.
The key is to not lose your cool and do something rash. Always be prepared for any sort of outcome. Keep the upper hand. I'm sure he is a very good boy and is just passing through a little testing of his mama phase. It'll pass so as long as you direct him in the right way.
Is someone else there to supervise what he does? Nine is still quite young to expect them to work independently and be able to rely on that. Some kids will, but personality will play a big role in that. Secondly, if you are also wanting him to do his school work right after school, that can be a tough time for kids to buckle down & focus. Mental fatigue happens to us all & with kids, it's even more likely since they really do have a higher level of daily movement than most adults have. It is often very helpful to have a highly active time right after school to get energy out, reduce stress, clear the mind, before then starting into after school studies.
I have a couple of kids I watch after school (this time of year we are on break). When they come, I give them something to eat, then they are outside for 60-90 mins for play before coming in to start their studies. I have tried having them to do it right away, but it's never been great. If they have 15 mins worth of work & we start right away, that can take them an hour to complete. If instead they go run for an hour, I find they complete the 15mins in 15 mins, without all the complaints, up & down, fidgeting & laying over in the chair, etc.
Also make sure he isn't struggling with the work. A child who finds themselves frustrated, confused or stumped can often then go into avoidance & denial. They may even try to hide the fact that the work feels too hard as they don't want to look stupid. This may not be the case, but it always worth evaluating in such situations.
If you don't have anyone with him after school, then look into something like skype. When I have a tough time with my own kids (my kids are homeschooled) then I ask people I know to study with them via skype. So maybe gramma can then quiz them on something over the computer, or an uncle can talk them through fractions, or one of my "cooler" older nieces & nephews might be willing to do half an hour discussing planetary orbits. I also seek out people I know have certain interests that might be excited to "help" my kids. It is also a great way to stay connected with family & friends.
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