How do we teach our 1-year-old that "no" isn't a game?
We have an almost 13-month-old daughter. She's found that when she touches a power cord or near an electrical outlet and we say "no" that it's a bit of a game. She gets a funny smirk on her face until we approach her, at which point she runs away with a smile on her face.
How do we teach her that it's dangerous and not a game? Or is this just part of being a 1-year-old?
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Yes, it's part of being a 1yo. But there are obviously lots of circumstances when she has to realise that NO means NO. So when you really mean it, you have to back up your words with actions - if she doesn't stop, put her in her cot (or something) for a minute or two. Make her realise that actions have consequences.
The first step is to recognize your child is at a developmental
stage that includes learning how she has a certain amount of sway
over the others in her life - this is what the "game" really is.
Know that this too, shall pass.
The second step is to avoid over-use of the word, "no." yes you
need to say no sometimes, but you should reserve use of the word no
for the most egregious or safety-related things and say it with a
tone that lets her know you are serious. There are replacements for
the word "no," like "wait," "stop," and "first." that can be used
when and where appropriate for those in the middle issues.
Lastly, accompany the word "no" with an action. The action does not
need to be a punishment and should be done gently smoothly without
jerking, or any other motion that might be painful for the little
one. The objective is to move her away from danger (cause and
effect is a new concept that is just now beginning to enter her
experience, time outs, slaps, and other such things will only create
confusion and fear. Instead, your action can be to grab and hold
her hand, move her away from the item about which she is curious
while you distract her with something else, strap her in the
stroller (if she is running away from you while shopping or
something) and other occasion-appropriate types of actions. Explain
your actions concisely while you perform them. For example, "It is
safer for you to stay with mommy right now."
Use a different word. We use the word "Stop - no touch" very firmly when we need them to quit touching. We reserve the word Stop for times when we are 100% absolutely serious and there are always consequences if they don't stop and step away. The word No is always overused so we tried to pick one that is just as good but not as used.
Children at that age often understand a lot more than we give them credit for, particularly non-verbal cues such as tone, facial expressions, and posture.
Rather than trying to revise how you use language, to add particular weight to the word "no" (in my experience, it is easier said than done to replace such a common and fundamental word with other terms for all but the most serious situations), try reserving your sternest face and tone of voice for those situations.
Most importantly, follow up by getting down to your daughter's eye level (after chasing her down if she runs away), ensuring that you have direct eye contact, and then tell her calmly, but without smiling, that she has to listen when mommy and daddy tell her not to touch things, because some things are dangerous and can hurt her, and you don't want that to happen.
If you do this consistently, it takes the fun out of the game for her. She'll see that you are not happy, and pick up on the fact that she's crossed a boundary.
It took maybe half a dozen repetitions with my son when he started doing the exact same thing, but now he quite clearly understands that when mommy or daddy get the "serious look", he needs to stop.
Just be consistent and persistent, and don't use the same stern tone and follow-up for trivial infractions.
This is why it is advantageous to only say the word "no" and use a stern voice when you really mean it. I save it for health & safety concerns, personally.
You can also try using something other than "no", like "uh-huh" or whatever is a noise you don't normally make for the non-safety/non-emergency scenarios.
Use a 'teacher' voice, and move her away from whatever she's getting into.
All that being said, make sure your house is baby/toddler-proofed as much as possible to prevent as much as possible.
My little one responds with great frustration if you pick him up when he's doing something he likes, and put him back down a bit further away. It's the greatest punishment we have, to accompany with the 'no' word when we really mean it. In my experience, the word on its own, even the stern tone of voice, are not so much of a punishment until the child is a little bit older (18 months or so in our case). So I would look for some punishment to accompany the 'no', something that is acceptable for you but will briefly make your child upset, so that the upset feeling gets associated with approaching the electrical outlet.
well, it pretty much IS a game.
learn how to mess with your parents' emotions.
learn what you can get away with and what you can't.
it's part of learning how things work.
if it's a thing you have no hope of explaining to her,
just say "no" and grab her.
just try to explain as much as is reasonable and try not to go overboard on the emotions.
In the UK we have homes heated by hot water running through radiators, hot enough to hurt, but a brief touch doesn't injure. I told my son "No! Hot!" when he went to touch one. He then touched it while looking at me. I didn't react, but he did. From then on he understood that "no" was about safety.
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