Teacher called my sons statement racist
My son is in class with 2 people named Matt. He was trying to get one of the Matt's attention. They both were talking to my son. The conversation likely could be paraphrased like this:
Matts: Which one of us are you trying to talk to?
My Son: The brown one.
His teacher overheard that and gave him a small speech about how he was being racist and he should not talk like that. The specifics would be lost via second hand information. This happened a few days ago and there was no note in the agenda that talked about this (which is normally where I would find correspondence from the teacher).
My information does comes second hand from my 9 year old son however I am confident that he is telling the truth.
While his statement is less that tactful I believe it to be a correct observation. I recall reading something a long time ago that talked about how children are colour-blind in that they see other children and not other children of different heritage etc.
My question is kind of 2 part.
Could my sons statement be seen as rasicm or racist? I do not think talking about skin colour is inherently racist. .
Assuming my assertion is true I should say something to the teacher because while I can educate my son, mostly on tact, I do not think called his statement racist is teaching him correctly. What should I say to the teacher? My son could have twisted the words.
I do not think this is something I want to let go as it could give my son the wrong impression of how to deal with other people. It is not a question of it being rude or inappropriate as it definitely was. I think is it a question of if it was racist.
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I would just like to offer a perspective with an opportunity for reflection on the situation as it arose. Your son when asked by one of the 'Matts' whom he was talking to, would in natural circumstances, simply have said: 'You' or 'The other one'. The fact that he did not respond in this way does perhaps suggest some other thought process in this situation.
While the identification of a physical characteristic is not necessarily rascist, some discussion could be had regarding the sensitive nature of such comments.
As the teacher did not bring this up with you, it would appear that she understands that your son is not racist and was addressing a manner of speech which could at some stage be perceived as such.
I would engage with the teacher regarding the situation, to ascertain her perspective, keeping the lines of communication open and transparent, and perhaps all can learn from the experience.
Racism is a sore subject, but I'll venture an answer.
If you define "racism" as "a noun describing... subscribing to the belief that the human population can be classified according to race", then yes, I believe it was a racist response. At that moment, the most significant identifier of Matt was that he was the "brown" Matt.
That doesn't mean it was meant to be unkind (though that might be debated by some.) That depends partly on the child's age and on how he treats Matt otherwise.
If you only accept that racism is the belief in the superiority of one race over another, then only Matt can honestly say. But people who often experience microaggression usually see even such small things differently than those who don't.
There are many ways to answer the question, "Which one of us are you trying to talk to?"
You Matt (pointing my finger.) (That's probably how I would have done it as a child do it.)
Matt K. (first initial of last name. Very common way to differentiate "Matts".)
You, Matt, in the red shirt.
But "the brown one" strikes me as not ok. First, it's speaking about a person in the third person. Second, it relies on race. Third, there are two Matts in the class. Surely the teacher doesn't call on them by saying, "OK, Brown Matt," or, "Please go to the board, White Matt." Variance from how the teacher identifies them means something unless the teacher addresses them as Mr. K- and Mr. L-.
If your child was 5, I would think nothing of it. Your child is 9 (which would put him in the 4th grade here) and that's a little too old to refer to someone as "the brown Matt". However, the teacher didn't even think enough about it to write you a note. I would let it be. As you said, the specifics are lost now.
I do not think this is something I want to let go as it could give my son the wrong impression of how to deal with other people.
It seems like you're saying it's ok to identify people as "the brown Matt", "the black Matt", etc. I don't think you are, but I think the teacher tried to address the way your son spoke, and the only problem is if it's racist or just rude. Either way, it's not good.
From our childhood, we are conditioned to believe that certain descriptions are meant as a complement and a few others as an insult.
For example, growing up, I was always the shortest girl in my class and most of my friends used to wish me as 'Hi shorty'. It was the truth but I never liked it because tall people didn't have any such nickname. Also, many people I know used to advice me about exercises to increase my height so I started believing that 'Shorty' is an insult.
Now I have a daughter and she is dark skinned. I'm from India so though westerners refer to all of us as 'brown', within the country we have different shades of brown ! She is quite a confident child but every once in a while, I have to boost her morale. For example, at a family get together, some random relative would say something like 'she's so beautiful even though she's dark' and that makes her feel there's something wrong with her though that person may have meant it as a complement.
Since we live in a society, most of us should try and abide by the regular social norms. Calling someone by skin color may be truthful but it's socially perceived as an insult. So it should be avoided, particularly because there are many other ways to refer to a person (Their surname for one).
Your child is at an age where it's not really a big deal and I'm sure he didn't mean it as an insult , which is why the teacher didn't update you on this. However, you should make him aware that calling someone black/brown/Fat/Short is not really appropriate even if it's the truth.
While it is easy to dismiss this as an overreaction by the teacher, since the statement wasn't meant maliciously, I think the teacher was smart to take it as a teachable moment, and that it can be a good one for you as well.
We tend to think of virtues and values as things that children absorb naturally, but the reality is that they generally need to be consciously and conscientiously taught. Racism is actually quite natural to human beings --you don't have to be a bad or evil person to develop or pick up prejudices. Even if your own parents don't have them, it doesn't mean you're not picking up those attitudes from elsewhere in the general culture. There are reports of parents being shocked and horrified to see their own children marching with the white supremacists in Charlottesville.
I don't think jumping straight to "you're a racist!" was a great approach, but that may just be how your son perceived the conversation, not the teacher's actual words. Either way, you now have a chance to shape how your son takes this --he'll be watching you closely to take cues from your reaction. If it were me, I'd explain to him that noticing someone's skin color is natural, but identifying or singling out someone out on the basis of that trait tends to feel weird and uncomfortable for that person, especially if they are a minority in a group. It might also be an opportunity to open a conversation about both the history --slavery, segregation, apartheid --and the current events --Charlottesville, racial disparities in interactions with police, the Charleston shootings --that have arisen from taking color or race as a primary way of identifying people.
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